My Story, Part 2

After I moved back to Pocatello, I spent a lot of time looking for work. I tried telemarketing (selling coupon books, a job that I hated and was only able to make myself do for about a week), working for Pizza Hut as a waitress and conducting telephone surveys. In my spare time, I went to the library and checked out and read every single book I could find on pregnancy and parenting. I wanted to be the best mother I could possibly be, and I didn't feel prepared. Because I'm an only child, I didn't have much experience with babies or young children.

When I was 7 or 8 months pregnant, my mom and I moved into a neat but rather expensive apartment across the street from a church. I'd been feeling God saying to my heart that He wanted me back in church ever since I'd moved back to Pocatello. But I didn't really want to go. I intended to go and knew that I wanted my child to attend church, but every Sunday I came up with some excuse not to go. I was too tired, got to bed too late, woke up too late, had other things to do, etc. Finally, during the last few weeks of my pregnancy, I heard God telling me that I wasn't going to have the baby until I had started going to church. One Sunday when I was three days past my due date, there was no way I was going to miss another opportunity to go to church. So my mom and I went, and lo and behold! -- I went into labor during the service! Talk about confirmation!

While I was pregnant, I was not able to find out what the baby's gender was. The one ultrasound I had did not reveal it. I desperately wanted a girl, but I was afraid it was going to be a boy, and everyone kept telling me they thought it was going to be a boy, so I kept telling God that if it was a boy, He was going to have to help me love him and raise him. When Linnea was born and I found out she was a girl, it was the only time through the entire labor experience that I actually cried. Thank you, Lord! She was born in the wee hours of the morning on June 19, 1995.

Adjusting to parenting was a huge transition. I remember waking up multiple times at night during those first few weeks and wondering how I was going to maintain my sanity. I still believe that it's only by the grace of God that any parent is able to survive those first few months of sleep deprivation and have very little time to do anything else besides care for the baby. But every day was a blessing and a learning experience, and I wouldn't trade a single moment of it.

Not long after Linnea was born, I was doing laundry at a local laundromat and met a woman named Mary who invited me to her church. It was a very small Baptist church of 45 or so people that met in a conference room in the local Holiday Inn. I started going to church there and realized how vital it is to go to a church where intimate relationships can be formed. It was truly the first time I'd experienced the term "church family" to its fullest extent and my life will be forever enriched because of their influence.

It was during that time that I decided to go back to school. I didn't want to ever have to be dependant on a man for my livelihood, and I wanted to be able to raise Linnea well even without the added income being married could offer. In order to accomplish that, I felt I would have to have a degree. So I decided to pursue a degree in Management Information Systems at Idaho State University. Mary, the woman who had first invited me to the Baptist church, agreed to watch Linnea for me during the days. She and her children watched Linnea for me every weekday, all day long, throughout the first semester of school for a total of $800. It was such an indescribable blessing knowing that Linnea was safe and well cared for.

Another blessing came in the form of a car. I had a limited amount of student loan money, and with it I had to buy a computer, a car, daycare for Linnea, books and other school supplies. After I had done everything else, I had $1,000 left to spend on a car, but it had to include tax, title and registration fees. I asked God to help me buy the car He wanted me to have, and to stop me from buying any other car. I test-drove or attempted to test-drive four different cars. The first one, my mechanic said "This this is worn out--No way!" The second two both completely quit running even though they had both been running just fine until then. I mean, I turned the keys to start the cars and there wasn't even the faintest twinge of a response either time--not even people who worked in the car lots were able to get a response out of them, and they were completely stumped. But I knew that it was God intervening on my behalf. The car He led me to purchase was a 1982 Nissan Sentra station wagon with 198,000 miles on it. It was red, dented, with many areas in which the paint was almost entirely worn off. One of the doors in the back didn't open, the trunk door didn't open, the rear wipers and defrost didn't work.

But the car was the perfect price, it was legal, and it got 40 miles to the gallon. I always knew that God had given me that particular car for a very special reason, and I always felt protected and blessed when I was in it.

Sometime during those first weeks of school, I made a very firm and life-changing promise to God and to myself. I realized that I had no ability in myself to choose a good man. So I told God with all of my heart that I would much rather be single for the rest of my life than to be with someone that it was not His will for me to be with. And I was completely commited to the idea that unless I knew with 100% certainty that it was God's will for me to be with someone, I would not be with anyone.

That's not to say, however, that I didn't want to be married. I deeply desired to find that person that God had in mind for me, and I didn't want to tie God's hands in any way by keeping doors shut that He might have wanted to use as an avenue to bring us together. So I didn't isolate myself, and I tried to keep my options and mind and heart open to the leading of the Spirit.

While I was in school, it was the first time in my life I had access to the internet. One day while I was browsing, I stumbled across a website that offered a free and safe classified service. It had 60,000+ subscribers. It wasn't just for people who were looking for romantic relationships, but also for people who were looking for friends or penpals. So I put an ad on that website, and not long after that, Keith sent me an e-mail response to my ad. If I remember correctly, we started e-mailing in March or April of 1996.

We e-mailed every day that I had access to the computer room at the school, and pretty soon we started communicating by phone. My mom and I didn't have a phone at that time, so I would walk a block or two to a nearby gas station and use their phone. One night Keith and I talked for 6 hours, from 10 p.m. to 4 a.m. We also exchanged pictures through the mail and one time Keith sent me a cloth rose and some tapes he had made of his favorite Christian music. At that time, he had several hundred Christian music CD's, and Christian music is still one of the greatest passions of his life. As we grew to know each other better, we were both astounded by how much we had in common and how each of us seemed to be exactly what the other one was looking for in a partner.

In May of 1996, my mom lost her job. I had just finished my first semester of school and was getting ready to start the next one. My mom and I have both always had a tendency to be unwisely spontaneous, so after she lost her job we threw caution to the wind and decided to move to San Francisco, CA. We sold everything that wouldn't fit into my little Nissan and headed down the road.

When we got to American Falls, ID, about 30 minutes outside of Pocatello, the clutch began to act funny. So we stopped at a hotel, got a cheap room (we had been up all night packing and really needed to sleep, anyway) and after a nap we unloaded half of what was in our car. We gave some of it away and sold some of it. After the weight was somewhat lifted, the car did better. We didn't have any more trouble until we were on the Interstate about an hour west of Boise. Then the clutch gave out completely. It was the middle of the night, and we slept in the car on the side of the freeway all night. It seems ridiculous, but I wasn't the slightest bit afraid. I knew that God was watching out for us and had a very strong sense that He was directing our steps.

The next morning at around 10 a.m. I made a large sign out of 4 pieces of paper that said "HELP" in all caps written in neon pink, with one letter per page. I taped it to the back of the car, and within minutes a state trooper pulled over and helped us. He radio'd for a tow truck to tow us to the next town in Oregon, which I believe was called Baker City. The first thing I did after we got our hotel room was to call Keith and tell him what was going on, and he and I spoke several times while we were in that town.

We ended up staying there for a couple of days until our car could be fixed. By the time we paid for our hotel and the car repairs, we only had $30 left. So I called Keith again and told him the situation, and he suggested that instead of trying to continue on to California, we should move to Spokane. He and I had already been talking about getting married anyway, so it seemed like a great plan. That day Mom, Linnea and I set out with a new destination. Throughout the whole experience, I had such a strong sense that the hand of God was directing every step we took, and to this day I still believe with all my heart that He brought us to Spokane. It was so amazing how we had just enough money left over to pay for the gas we needed to get there.

Once we got to Spokane, we took one of the downtown exits and used a pay phone at a Texaco station to call Keith. He gave me directions to his house. After freshening up in the bathroom at the station, we set out for the final leg of the journey. I have never felt so nervous or so sick in my entire life, and I pray I'll never have to feel that way again. The pain in my stomach and the shaking in my entire body grew worse the closer we got. I was afraid Keith wouldn't like me, or that I wouldn't like him, when we finally met each other face to face. I'm sure I was afraid of other things, too, but I can't remember what they were now.

When we pulled up in front of the house on Skyview, Keith opened the door and he and his children, Lisa, 13, and Kristina, 9, whom I had spoken to on the phone several times before, came out onto the front lawn to greet us. (As a humerous little side-note here, one of the first things Lisa ever asked me on the phone was what size shoe I wore and if I might ever like to trade shoes with her.) Even though it was excrutiatingly uncomfortable, we all hugged each other and exchanged pleasantries. Then Keith took us all out to eat at the Old Country Buffet, but we were all so nervous that the only people who ate much were my mom and Linnea. Nobody else had any appetite at all.

Mom and I and Linnea lived in the basement of Keith's house for a while, but it wasn't long before we moved into one of the bedrooms on the main floor. Keith and I spent many hours together during those first few weeks, talking and getting comfortable with each other in the physical realm, even though mentally, emotionally and spiritually, we knew each other quite well already. Pretty soon we set a date to be married. There was never an official proposal, we just both knew we were going to be married and we started planning the wedding.

That summer, my father moved from Pocatello to Spokane. It was so nice to have him nearby, and so nice to have him at our wedding.

The wedding was held outside in the courtyard of a community church in Inchelium, WA., on August 29, 1996. We had it there because I really wanted Keith's stepfather, George, to be at the wedding, and I didn't think he'd come if we had the wedding in Spokane. (Keith's mom, Nancy, and her husband live in Rice, about 45 minutes outside of Colville.) Plus, a lot of the rest of Keith's family lives in that area, and we thought it would make it easier for them if we had the wedding up there. It was a beautiful day and the wedding seemed perfect to me. The song we chose to be played is "If You Could See What I See" by Geoff Moore & the Distance. (If you've never heard it and would like to, let me know. I have a copy you can borrow.)

Thus began our lives together as Mr. & Mrs. Keith Coe, and what an exciting adventure it has been!

to be continued...