Children and Pain

If pain is such an powerful tool in the hands of God, if it is so effective at shaping us and opening our eyes to the great truths of Who He is and what His presence means in our life, why, oh why(!) do we go to such great lengths to eliminate pain from our children's lives? Seriously.

For instance, I used to feel so guilty when my kids would come to me complaining of boredom. Like I was a total failure or something. So I'd do everything I could to keep them from getting bored, which usually meant giving them something. A new toy, a new game, a new movie, ideas, suggestions, whatever.

Then it occurred to me that every single great success story I've ever heard involves someone who has excelled and succeeded in spite of overwhelming odds against them, tragedy, or extraordinary challenges. We all know so many examples of people who have been given every advantage and spared every possible difficulty by their parents, and yet they grow up to rebel against everything they were taught to believe and to walk a path of suffering caused by the consequences of their own choices.

At the Contagious Joy Women of Faith Conference in 2006, the common denominator in every single story of how God had worked to bring joy into the lives of the speakers, was that before He brought the joy, there was a great deal of sorrow first.

I don't jump when my kids say their bored anymore. Instead I say something like, "You know, with your creative mind, I'm certain you'll be able to think of something to do."

Boredom can give birth to all kinds of wonders of creativity and productivity. Sorrow can give birth to humor and light-heartedness. Anger can give birth to energy, motivation and positive, influential, life-changing choices.

I've chosen to watch and wait and see what God will do as I stand back and let Him do His work in the lives of my children.

More about pain...

We spend so much time, money, effort and energy trying to avoid pain. But pain is a huge part of this life, and every single painful thing I've ever gone through has ended up being a blessing. Usually because God has used it to open my eyes to see Him more clearly. Sometimes because it has opened doors to communication and relationships with other people. Always because there is a valuable lesson to be learned from it.

I can honestly say this now, for the first time in my life: When something painful happens, I give God praise and glory, because I trust Him, and I know that it is just the beginning of something wonderful He is going to do. I'm not afraid of pain anymore. I don't hate pain anymore, or even dislike it.

The other day I stubbed my toe on a table leg. At one time, I would have almost passed out from something like that. Everything in my life at that moment would have been consumed by it. But this time, I thought to myself, "Hmmm, it's just pain. No big deal." And you know what? The physical pain I was feeling immediately decreased by about 75% and was completely gone in a minute or so. I didn't feel compelled to hop around, mutter expletives or suck air through my teeth. Praise God! I'm excited to experience the rest of my life with this new-found insight... that the value of pain is something to be embraced, not run from or denied.

Let's talk about paradoxes and pain...

God is a God of paradoxes. It's miraculous and breathtaking when He opens our eyes to recognize His voice and His fingerprints in a life, relationship, problem, or situation.

When our church went through "The Purpose-Driven Life" in 2004, I remember reading about "EGR" or "Extra-Grace-Required" people. I took it to mean the people who, when you see them coming, you want to go the other direction. Or the member of a group that everyone just kind of puts up with because they know they have to. When I read about them, being a people-pleasing phlegmatic in temperament myself, I thought to myself how dreadful it would be to be considered an "EGR" person. It was my worst nightmare!

The funny thing is, ever since God got ahold of my heart (I mean REALLY got ahold of it) at the end of 2007, I have become one of those people. The more intimately I know Him, the more I delight in His presence and all of the attributes of His character, the more I become one of those people.

I used to be controlled by fear. It was a mountain in my life that I didn't even recognize because it had always been there and I had grown comfortable with it, but it affected everything I said and did, and everything I didn't say or do. Fear of failure, fear of rejection, fear of hurting people, fear of physical and emotional pain... You name it. If a person could be afraid of it, I was afraid of it. The fear in my heart kept me from getting close to people. I lived in bondage to fear and secrecy and pride. I couldn't share my heart or my true self or my true feelings with anyone for a variety of selfish and "religious" reasons.

Now, miraculously, all of that fear is gone. I can tell you the exact day it happened. February 8, 2008. God called me to do something, to have a difficult conversation with two people that I consider to be incredibly intimidating. For two weeks I prayed, and asked other people to pray for me, that God would speak through me and that His strength would be made perfect in my weakness.

I went into that encounter expecting God to move, and to open the eyes of the other people. But what happened is that He used the experience to open my eyes instead, and one of the things He showed me was how much I had allowed fear to control my life.

The Bible says perfect love casts out fear. I am not afraid anymore, because I know and believe that God loves me, loves us all, perfectly, and that everything He does is for our good. He is faithful, even when we're not, and He brings good out of all things, even our failures and mistakes. Only God can do that, and He is amazing!

The search ends here. The search for joy, pleasure, meaning, purpose and satisfaction. I know without question that what God has done in my heart is something that everyone is looking for in one way or another, or many ways. May we all have eyes to see and ears to hear these glorious truths!

How do I describe it...?

God is perfect and complete within Himself. In His Own Existence, He is perfectly sufficient! He doesn't need us, because He doesn't have any needs. However, because of His amazing glory and holiness, He loves us and wants us. The same way that He is sufficient in Himself, He wants to be our sufficiency as well. When we are completely, over-the-top, sold-out satisfied in Him alone(which we can only be through Christ's redemptive work) we no longer need people or things or anything else. And we become gloriously, utterly free -- free to love people, including ourselves, and to want relationship with the real them, not because of our own need, but because God's own unconditional love for them is overflowing through us. We are free from all fear, including fear of pain and failure. Free from the heavy burdens of duty and striving. Free from guilt and covetousness and condemnation.

I believe with my whole heart that God wants us to be so full of joy in Him, that we can honestly say this: Even if I were alone, homeless, hungry and painfully ill, with not a penny or possession to my name, I would be content. Jesus, You truly are all I need.

How can we be afraid? How DARE we be afraid?

On the trip to work this morning, I was listening to my current favorite CD "Kutless: Strong Tower" and praying and thinking about this awesome God we serve.

It's very simple, actually. We have a God who is infinitely perfect and glorious, Who loves us more than we love ourselves, Who sees absolutely every detail of the BIG picture, and Who has promised us that He causes everything to work together for our good....

When we are afraid, or discouraged, or frustrated, what we're actually saying is that we don't believe Him. Are we afraid or discouraged or frustrated? I challenge us all to remember that the second we begin to feel even the slightest tinge of any of those emotions, we should take our eyes off of the finite problem and fix them instead on our infinite Creator.

This is what I've been praying for lately: That God would reveal and magnify His glory in our thoughts, words, desires, plans, relationships and actions. That He would open our eyes and ears and hearts to receive more of Him. That He would cause us to be hungry and thirsty for more of Him and for truth and righteousness. That He would eclipse everything else in our vision with His glory and beauty. That He would capture our attention and affection so fully that in our eyes the things of this earth will pale in comparison to Him.

In the mighty name of Jesus, may He accomplish all of this and more, according to His perfect will, by His grace, and for His honor and glory.

The first step in this journey of revival was to discover that God created us to love and seek joy and pleasure so that we would find our ultimate joy and pleasure in Him. The tool God used to open my eyes to see this was a message by John Piper called "We want you to be a Christian Hedonist."

The next step was to understand what having a renewed mind really means, which was also accomplished by John Piper's message entitled "All of Life as Worship."

The third step was to begin to understand the supremacy of God in every facet of life through "The Truth Project" and several John Piper messages relating to the Supremacy of God.

The fourth step was to understand more fully how passionate God is for His glory by reading the inspired book "Cat and Dog Theology."

The fifth step was to savor and crave God's presence more desperately by reading "The Shack."

Of course, there have been many other ways God has influenced my thinking along the way, and I hope to write more about them in the days and weeks to come.

After I saw the post about this movie on Fred Blauer's website, I knew I had to see it. It immediately became my favorite movie. I'm watching it for the 7th time as I type this. If you haven't seen it yet, you might not want to read this post until after you've seen it. My 18-month-old son loves this movie, too. It's the only movie he'll actually sit and watch, and every time a musical scene happens, he dances with a big smile on his face.

God speaks to me through this movie in multiple ways and on multiple levels.

The part I value about it the most is the way August's face lights up with joy when he plays music. First on the guitar, then on the organ, then as a composer and conductor. He found what God created him to do, he did it, and in doing it his heart was filled with joy and pleasure, and, of course, so was God's! All of us were created to love to do certain things, and there is great joy for us, for God, and for other people in the fulfillment of those purposes.

Here are some other concepts the movie illustrates to me:

The pursuit of God-given dreams produces God-empowered joy, strength, focus, energy, motivation and drive. The enemy will use everything in his arsenal to thwart those dreams. In the movie, he uses deception over and over again. Lyla's dad lies to her about the baby. Wizard knows people are looking for August, but he tears down the signs without telling anyone that he knows where August is. Lyla's neighbor tells Louis that one of the musicians is away on her honeymoon, and Louis believes it to be Lyla. And yet, through it all, God turns the tables on the enemy and His glory shines brighter because of the victory in spite of the obstacles.

The story is a perfect example of how God moves through people's desires. Desire is the motivating factor of human beings. (John Bevere said that, and I totally believe it.) If we want to do something badly enough, we do it. August left the children's home because of an overwhelming desire to find his parents and a faith that he would be able to find them using the gifts they passed on to him.

It also illustrates how perfect God's timing is. Near the beginning of the movie, August loses the number for the state worker who had promised to help him. Then he gets lost and can't get back to the place where the worker was going to pick him up. We see those things as unfortunate, but God uses them for good. Whether by their own design or by God's, everyone in the film ends up being in exactly the perfect place at exactly the perfect time for everything to happen just as it needs to.

Adversity, trials, challenges, pain, failures, mistakes, tragedy and heartache will always give birth to something great in the life of a believer, because God has promised that all things (ALL things) work together for the good of those who love Him.

I love how absolutely everything begins and ends with God. He births dreams, visions, plans, goals, desires, talents and love in the hearts of His people, and when His people move in response to what He's placed inside them, it goes back to Him in an endless, life-giving circle and cycle of renewal that reveals His glory and reflects it back to Him. How awesome is that??

The only criticism I've heard of this movie is that the ending wasn't long enough. People wanted to see August and the parents united. They wanted to see father and son come to a full understanding of their relationship. I've been pondering that, and I actually agree with the movie-makers' decision to end the movie the way they did. It was a complicated situation that could have let to a thousand different outcomes. The way the movie ended allows people to imagine the continuation of the story in the way that means the most to them.

I love this movie. I'll always love it. And when I'm hungry for more of God, for God's presence and God's voice, I will watch this movie again.

This is a copy of a post from Pastor Eric Blauer's blog:

A guy approached Jack (C.S. Lewis) on the street one day and asked him if he could spare a few shillings. And Jack immediately dove into his pocket and brought out all his change and handed it over to this beggar. And the chap he was with—I think it was Tolkien—said, "Jack, you shouldn't have given that fellow all that money, he'll just spend it on drink." Jack said, "Well if I had kept it, I would have only spent it on drink."

That post transformed my thinking and God used it to open my eyes. I LOVE it when that happens, because suddenly something that didn’t make sense before just starts making sense and peace and joy rush in to fill the place that confusion had previously held.

Before I read this post, I’d never given a single anything to any of those people that stand on the street corners with their signs. I always justified it with “holy” ideas like being a good steward and holding people accountable. My kids would want to give them money and I’d explain to them how in America, if people want to get help, they can. There are agencies all over the place waiting to feed them, clothe them, bathe them, etc, blah, blah, blah.

But even as I said those things, something just didn’t feel right about it. I could never look any of those people in the eyes when I drove past them. I couldn’t smile at them or speak to them. Their presence made me uncomfortable.

After I read Pastor Eric's blog post, everything clicked into place in one of those delicious "aha!" moments. Now I try to keep an envelope in my purse at all times with money in it dedicated to being given away to the people at the street corners. I don’t see them as irresponsible members of society anymore. I see them as precious blessings from God. I look for them now and am humbled by how many there are of these incredible, easy, in-your-face opportunities to do a good thing for someone without judging them or asking anything at all in return. I praise God for every priceless opportunity, and every time I drive away, I feel God’s love rush into me until it feels like it’s literally flowing out of every pore. It’s quite an addictive rush, actually.

A couple weeks ago, I was driving home from work. It was rush hour. I took the Sprague Avenue exit, which means I need to stay in the far right lane to get where I need to be. There was a person standing on the northwest corner of Appleway and Thierman holding a sign, which meant that I would need to cross four lanes to get to him. At the time I noticed him, I only had one block in which to do this, so I had to think fast. I prayed quickly, "God, if you want me to give this guy some money, You'll have to make a way for me to do it." So I looked behind and around and in front of me, and you know what...? In the middle of rush hour on a weekday, on a relatively busy section of road, God made a way. There wasn't anyone around me! No cars behind me, and no cars next to me in any of those four lanes! So I quickly moved over the four lanes and was able to give some money to the man. And all the way home, my spirit rejoiced in worship and adoration of my miracle-working God Who always enables us to do what He has called us to do.

The last several months of my life have comprised the most incredible season of revival and refreshing I have ever experienced! I didn't even know a person could experience such a complete -- what do I even call it?--rejuvination? Renewing? Whatever this is, it is indescribable! I never really understood what "living water" meant, but now I understand it more fully than I ever did before. It's the same with the concept of abundant life.

I pray that God will give me the words, energy, time and motivation to spread this message in any and every possible way so that His name will be glorified as people seek Him as their ultimate source of joy and every good thing.

I came across this poem when I was reading John Piper's book, "A Hunger for God." It spoke to my spirit so profoundly that I immediately printed it out, put it on a plastic backing, laminated it and decorated it with stickers. Now I take it with me wherever I go and meditate on it whenever I have a chance.

His goodness shines with brightest rays
When we delight in all His ways.

His glory overflows its rim
When we are satisfied in Him.

His radiance will fill the earth
When people revel in His worth.

The beauty of God's holy fire
Burns brightest in the heart's desire.


Isn't that beautiful??

photo by Ihdar Nur (but Fred found it and let me snag it from his blog)