I find it somewhat ironic that I'm posting this on the same day that Pastor Eric posted about his fitness goals. Sigh... Sometimes life is like that.I have gained 40 lbs in the last several months. I now weigh more than I ever have except for when I was 9 months pregnant. There are several benefits to this, though, and I really mean that.
For one thing, women no longer look at me like an enemy. There seems to be an unspoken, barely-acknowledged competition thing going on between women these days. Every time a woman walks into a room, every other woman in the room assesses her to see if she might be some sort of threat. Is she prettier than they are? Is she thinner? How's her hair, her clothes, her make-up, her jewelry, etc?
When I was losing weight and fitting into my smaller clothes, many of the men in my life were attentive and complimentary, and there seemed to be a wall between me and many of the women I know. It was unspoken, but it was there. Since I've gained weight, that hidden animosity has all but vanished, and the men are definitely less attentive.
For a person that struggles with pride, this is really a very good thing. And for a Christian woman/wife/mother/employee, etc, it can be a good thing as well. I no longer feel an almost insatiable desire to glance into any and every reflective surface that I pass by. And I realize that any attention I'm getting from anyone, male or female, is going more likely going to be based on who I am, rather than how I look. And, there's no possible way I'll ever be tempted to wear something outside of the house that might not exactly be God-glorifying.
I know I've been called to be a good steward of this body. And I know that when the time is right, God will motivate me and energize me towards that end. But there are still a lot of hidden areas of black, stubborn pride in my heart, and I don't think God is going to bring the weight-loss until most or all of those areas are taken care of.
8 comments:
never thought of it like that before. thanks
Thank you for your comments, Laura, they're encouraging to me.
Hi Mel,
Your candor is refreshing. When I put on pounds I keep it to myself and hope no one notices, yeah right.
I think it is a very difficult task to lose weight when one has a lot of responsibilities. What I mean is, we all need a certain amount of recreation to feel content. I think this need is greater the younger we are but when we have but a few minutes to ourselves, and even then we feel a certain guilt that we aren't attending to all the things that could be done, we eat as one source of pleasure. Normally when we have less demands on us, we have a variety of stimulus to cheer us, but when those are squeezed out, we eat more to fill in that lack. That's my take on it and it may seem simplistic, but I think there is some truth to it.
Most of us lose and gain all through our lives, I have no doubt you will as well.
God bless,
Fred
Your honesty in this post is soooooo refreshing Mel. Thanks for sharing your journey in such a vulnerable and self aware manner.
Your wrestlings with other people, image, self concepts, peace with oneself etc...are tough subjects. Our views of God, His heart and plan for us, what is "appropriate", what is freedom and what is bondage are all rooted in so many different mashed up experiences and formations. In the end...we must live a life of faith towards God, which is most often a fairly personal tailoring, that fits us perfectly but most often would be awkward on someone else.
I think the challenge in Christian circles is learning to be beautifully clothed by God and yet, not expecting others to wear what He has woven for us alone.
Most people can't seem to allow others the freedom of that and painfully can't seem to walk with such freedom for themselves either.
I pray you will continue to enjoy a redeemed life, in God, that is naked and unashamed...spirit, soul and body.
Many disciples can do that in one or the other...but rarely all three.
I love the honesty in this sharing of your soul Mel.
This blog was like looking through a looking glass with some of the same struggles I've been through and am going through...
I totally get it,
Donna
Hi Fred,
That's really one of the biggest issues for me... I eat for every reason under the sun... Comfort, celebration, disappointment, socializing, when I'm happy, when I'm sad, etc. If I'm not going to eat for those reasons, it takes a lot of energy. Energy that I don't and can't have right now, because my energy is being poured into my marriage, and my kids, and my job, and church. But it'll come someday. God's will be done in all things.
Pastor Eric,
Thank you so much for your comment.
"I think the challenge in Christian circles is learning to be beautifully clothed by God and yet, not expecting others to wear what He has woven for us alone."
That is so true! I cling to Christ with every breath, and try not to over-analyze, over-intellectualize, or hyper-spiritualize everything.
Hi Donna!
Thank you for your comment, so much. I'm so glad to know there are other Christian women out there who can identify with some of these same struggles. I pray that God will help us through these sticky, uncomfortable issues, for His honor and glory. :)
Hi Mel :)
You made me laugh particularly when you said that men pay less attention to you now.
What ever is the reason for putting on weight, I hope you understand that good health is of primary importance to fulfill your obligations to the family, office,Church etc.
So when you feel like eating next time have two glasses of water instead.
Take care of your health. It is very important. Most ailments for excesses that we do now will come at a later age. Then it will be too late to regret. Everything in moderation.
Best wishes:)
Thanks, Joseph! I'll try to remember your words of wisdom, although, if I drink two glasses of water every time I'm hungry, I'll die from over-watering. (That does actually happen, you know...) :)
You're right, I need to take care of myself so I'll be healthy and have the energy to do all that God has called me to do. please pray for me. God bless you!
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