For Posterity (some of the stuff I don’t want to forget)

The picture is of a statue of one of my favorite literary characters of all time, D'Artangan, of "The Three Musketeers" fame.

I want to share some of what and how God has been speaking to me recently, and some of what He’s led me to that has spoken to me so profoundly. If it’s something that is relatively short, I’ll probably just copy it into this post. If it’s longer, I’ll try to include the link and hope that the link will stay good for a long time. Or if I can’t make the link idea work, I’ll reference the title and date of the post and which blog it came from. All of these blogs can be found by clicking on blog’s link on the right side of the page.

“Crowbar Massage” was the first blog I ever read, and I’ve been checking it regularly ever since the first time I looked at it in 2006. My life has been enhanced profoundly in so many ways by so much of what Pastor Eric has shared there.

“Flying Embers,” which is owned by Pastor Eric’s dad, Fred, was the second blog I began to regularly check, and it, too, has had an immeasurable impact on my life and worldview.

“Life in Motion” is owned by a wonderful gentleman, Joseph, from India, who takes great delight in sharing pictures and stories from life there in the locality where he lives, in addition to encouraging and philosophical ideas from different sources. This was the third blog I started checking on a regular basis and I’ve been blessed by getting to know him and his world through this wonderful resource.

All of these blogs are favorites and will continue to be, but most of what I’m going to share from here on in this post are going to be from blogs that are newer to me, that God has been using in my life in recent days and weeks.

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I love this scripture-soaked heading from “A Pilgrim in Conflict”:

“The Puritan identity. On a journey to a better country (Hebrews 11:16), going further up and further in to the depth of the riches and wisdom and knowledge of God (Romans 11:33) by laboring to delight in the law of the LORD and meditate on it day and night (Psalm 1:2) while the war and conflict relentlessly rage on until Christ comes (Romans 7:22-25) or calls me home.”

God also used these posts from the same blog to speak to me about an issue I’ve personally been wrestling with:

“The Key to Loving Jesus” dated October 11, 2008

“Seeing Sin for What it Really is in Us” dated October 13, 2008

And through this blog He also greatly blessed me with a song called “Don’t Waste Your Life” by Lacrae, which can be found under the title “WOW” on October 9, 2008.

I’ve listened to this song no less than 25 times. My kids have listened to it about as many times. And all of us keep singing the chorus to ourselves over and over again. Because I’m new to rap, however, it’s still pretty important for me to be able to read the words while I’m listening, otherwise several important parts of the song go straight over my head. J

I can’t believe how much truth there is in this one song. My husband ordered the CD for me and I’m anxiously waiting for it to arrive in the mail. A friend of mine at church is also familiar with this group, and with several others like it, and has recommended several albums that I know I’m going to enjoy and am looking forward to experiencing.

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D.L. Kane from “A Fish Out of Water” sent me this great quote:

"I am not an innovator. In fact, I am very happy with the simple role of blowing the boredom out of people's brains with long-forgotten, old fashioned, faithful blasts of biblical truth!" – John Piper

I’ve thoroughly enjoyed going back through D.L.’s past posts. D.L.’s thoughts, questions, meditations and inspirations resonate deeply in my heart. I’ve struggled and wrestled with and pondered so many of the same things. We also share a fondness for the teachings of John Piper and the Puritans, although D.L. has explored the teachings of the Puritans far more than I have at this point.

Here are some of my favorites of D.L.’s posts:

Regarding bringing glory to God:

http://afishoutofwater2008.blogspot.com/2008/01/are-you-telescope.html

Regarding salvation:

http://afishoutofwater2008.blogspot.com/2008/01/if-given-choice.html

Regarding the centrality of the Gospel:

http://afishoutofwater2008.blogspot.com/2008/02/it-is-enoughit-is-enough.html

The most beautiful picture of the baptism of the Holy Spirit that I have ever encountered:

http://afishoutofwater2008.blogspot.com/2008/03/what-beautiful-picture.html

Regarding communion with Christ:

http://afishoutofwater2008.blogspot.com/2008/04/communion-with-christ.html

Regarding becoming like Christ:

http://afishoutofwater2008.blogspot.com/2008/04/this-is-beautiful-stuff.html

Regarding criticism:

http://afishoutofwater2008.blogspot.com/2008/01/open-rebuke-is-better-than-secret-love.html

http://afishoutofwater2008.blogspot.com/2008/03/why-are-we-all-so-afraid-of-criticism.html

Regarding spiritual loneliness:

http://afishoutofwater2008.blogspot.com/2008/01/spiritual-loneliness.html

Regarding reading the Puritans:

http://afishoutofwater2008.blogspot.com/2008/02/seven-reasons.html

http://afishoutofwater2008.blogspot.com/2008/02/feasting-on-puritans.html

Regarding the conversion experience of Charles Spurgeon:

http://afishoutofwater2008.blogspot.com/2008/02/in-his-own-words.html


And here are some quotes that I deeply appreciate:

"God never punishes his people. That is, their sufferings are never designed to satisfy justice; nor are they always even chastisements in the proper sense of the word. They are not in all cases sent to correct evils, to repress pride, or to wean from the world. God often afflicts his people and his church simply to enable them the better to glorify his name. It is an unchristian disposition, therefore, which leads us always to ask, 'when afflictions are sent upon ourselves or others, 'Why is this? What have we or they done to call forth this expression of parental displeasure or solicitude? What does God mean to rebuke?' It may be that our sufferings are chastisements, that is, that they are designed to correct some evil of the heart or life, but this is not to be inferred from the simple fact that they are sufferings. The greater part of Paul's sufferings were not chastisements. They were designed simply to show to all ages the power of the grace of God; to let men see what a man could cheerfully endure, and rejoice that he was called upon to endure, for the sake of the Lord Jesus."Charles Hodge, 2 Corinthians, Banner of Truth Trust, 1959, p163


“Finally, let us be instructed by the Holy Spirit. If a treasure-seeker were looking for a buried pirate’s chest, he might search long and wide and never find it. But if he came across a map, scratched out by the pirate who hid the gold, he could be sure of good success. The one who hid the gold is the best guide for him who would find it. But who has hidden the gold in the scriptures? Is it not the Holy Spirit, he who carried along the holy men of old, and who spoke by the mouth of David and all the prophets? Is he not the One who reveals Christ to men, and who brings to their remembrance all that he had taught them? And, moreover, is not the Father good to give the Spirit to them who ask diligently, and is not the Spirit gracious to give an anointing to all who are his, so that they might know the truth indeed? Every day, then, as we approach the Word of God, let us cry out to the Father, to send his Spirit, that he might open our eyes to the Son. Then, we will find the buried treasure, and cry out for joy.”

Nathan Pritchard - The Hidden Treasure (2 -- Setting Out for the Field)

We may depend upon this--men will never truly come to Christ, and stay with Christ, and live for Christ--unless they feel their sins, and know their need of a Savior. Those whom the Holy Spirit draws to Christ--are those whom the Spirit has convinced of sin. Without real conviction of sin, men may seem to come to Christ and follow Him for a season—but they will soon fall away and return to the world. The words of one are most deeply true, "The consciousness of sin is the true pathway to heaven." – D.L. Kane

“Remember the perfections of that God whom you worship, that He is a Spirit, and therefore to be worshipped in spirit and truth; and that he is most great and terrible, and therefore to be worshipped with seriousness and reverence, and not to be dallied with, or served with toys or lifeless lip-service; and that he is most holy, pure, and jealous, and therefore to be purely worshipped; and that he is still present with you, and all things are naked and open to him with whom we have to do. The knowledge of God, and the remembrance of His all-seeing presence, are the most powerful means against hypocrisy.”Richard Baxter, Pastor and author 1615 - 1691

No Boxes Here -- God sent a Goomba!

If you’re at all familiar with the “Super Mario Brothers” Nintendo games, you’ll know who this little guy is. God used him to help me through a tough situation recently. I’m telling you what, there’s no putting our Great God in a box! He can use absolutely anything for His glory and our good!

On Friday, October 3, 2008, I was blessed with the opportunity to be a part of an experiment at work that involved shooting a short video. When the time came for the shooting, even though I thought I had my lines memorized, I was so nervous that I was having trouble remembering them.

A friend from work graciously attended the filming with me, and it was such a blessing to have her there. But I didn’t feel comfortable looking at her while I was saying my lines, because I knew that people viewing the video would be able to tell I was looking at someone besides the camera. So I looked at the camera and stumbled through several failed attempts and saying my lines.

Finally, in my heart I began to pray that God would help me get through this without wasting any more of the time of the people who were putting the video together. And all of a sudden I saw it… Hanging from the camera was a tiny plastic Goomba on a keychain! His was a familiar – albeit grumpy – face that brought back a flood of fond memories.

God spoke to me through that tiny little face from my past, reassuring me that He was there with me, and giving me something to look at that was familiar, comfortable, and close enough to the camera that I could look at it and still look like I was looking at the camera.

I laughed out loud, pointed to it and said, “Hey, that’s from Mario!”

And from then on I was able to remember what I was supposed to say.

Thank You, Father God, for being so infinitely personal and creative and for bringing all of the details together so brilliantly!

My beautiful daughter Linnea has recently joined the Blogosphere! I'm so excited to be able to connect with her in this way. Like mother, like daughter... In the years to come, her children will treasure these insights into her heart and life. I love you and I'm so proud of you, Honey!!

This is a post from Fred Blauer’s blog that really made me think. I posted a comment on it several days later, and Fred and Pastor Eric both replied to the comment. God spoke deeply to my heart through their words and I want to preserve the entire interaction here. It is my prayer that if anything were ever to happen to me, someone will make sure that my children all have a printed copy or a CD copy of my blog, and this is certainly something I would want them to have as a part of that.

Fred’s Original Post from 9/21/08:

"When open commissions of sin do humble and abase the heart, and secret inclinations to sin do even break and burst the heart asunder, then the heart is certainly sincere with God. A Christian will readily grant that his God is a good God, and that Jesus Christ is the chiefest of ten thousand, and that the gospel is a glorious gospel…But yet he will say, I have such a proud heart, such a hard heart, such a slight heart, such a carnal heart, etc., and I am so vexed and molested with sinful notions, and with sinful imaginations, and with sinful inclinations, and with atheistical risings, and with private murmurings, and with secret unbelievings, and that in despite of all my conflictings and strivings, prayings and mournings, sighing, groanings, complainings, so that I am oftentimes weary of my life. And if this does not speak out Christ within, and grace within, and the Spirit within such a soul, I know nothing. O friends! Remember this once for all, viz., that the main battle, the main warfare of a Christian lies not in the open field, it lies not in visible skirmishes; but his main quarrels and conflicts are most within, and his worst and greatest enemies are them of his own house, they are them of his own heart.

“A little grace at first conversion may reform an ill life, but it must be a great deal of grace that must reform an ill heart. A little grace may make a man victorious over outward gross sins, but it must be a great deal of grace that makes a man victorious over inward sins, secret sins, spiritual sins, yea, a thorough conquest of these sins will hold a man in play all his days." -- Thomas Brooks.

"A thorough conquest of these sins will hold a man in play all his days." There is the key issue; we feel less because we haven't attained to the place that will take a lifetime to reach. Or we hear a glorious testimony how God delivered a person from the depths of sin, they are now freed from addiction or unbelief, and it seems as thought the battle is won for them but we continue on weakly, slowly, with many upsets and drawbacks. They have won the battle of the “visible skirmish”, but they have just begun the life long battle of the conflict within. Now obviously we shouldn't kick back and accept our weaknesses, but the enemy makes us feel as though we are behind the norm. Not so, at fifty or sixty we will still be in the heat of the battle, still fighting the "ill heart”.


My Comment:

Fred, I've been enjoying chewing on this post, but hesitating to comment because what I want to say is difficult. But since it appears that more damage has been done by hiding the truth than revealing it over the years, I'll just jump in and let the chips fall where they may. Please feel free to delete this comment if you're not comfortable with it for any reason.

For me, the single greatest symptom and evidence of the depth of my depravity is the fact that I have little to no authentic remorse for any wrong I’ve ever done. I want to feel genuine and passionate remorse, sorrow, guilt, shame – anything – over the sins I have committed in my life, the sins I will continue to commit, and the dark desires of my heart. I’ve never really felt any of those things, at least not much and not for long, even when I was a child.

Sure, I’ve felt regret and fear because of being caught. I’ve felt sorry for myself because of losses of different sorts that my own choices have brought about. But I have never fully felt the weight or severity of the sin in my life, mostly because in my heart I seem to have an excuse or a justification for every wrong I’ve ever committed.

As I read the books, works and words of the “old dead guys” I admire the most, a common theme threads throughout… Each one of them was deeply aware of and horrified by their own sin, the depravity of their flesh, and their hopelessness and worthlessness without God, and many of them continued to feel unworthy of His love and attention throughout much of their lives. Each one was in awe of the miracle of the gospel, which shone all the more brightly to them because they had such an acute awareness of the evil in their own selves that Christ’s blood atoned for.

I long to feel that, to live in that truth, to be humbled and emptied by it so that God can fill me up and overflow through me authentically. I’ve tasted the type of joy I’m hoping for, and it was awesome and addictive! I wanted to stay in that place for the rest of my life and on into eternity. But I was cheating, because I had sought the end product without first walking the road of a person broken in the face of their own guilt.

I pray with all my heart that God will do these works in my heart. I pray that my pride, my cold heart, and my stubbornness will not make it necessary for Him to go to extreme measures to accomplish this, and that my family won’t have to suffer too much in the process. May He have mercy on me.


Fred’s Response:

Hi Mel, I appreciate such a candid post. And, of course I would like to have the perfect cordial of rememdy, but it is doubtful I could, even if I had a lot more information, but you are in good hands, Jesus is leading you step by step.

I'll generalize some, and maybe something will stick.

I think those that feel the greatest remorse are those that have most deeply hurt the ones they love. When we see pain in those we love, caused by our choices, it grieves us and though we know we are forgiven, we never forget. Nor should we. Repeating great offenses is doubly pain laden.I think by far the largest part of our past sins have the consequences hidden from us. We go on never knowing what we have done to others. It would be an overwhelming sight to see all at once. I'm pretty sure that God will allow us to see sin's consequences where it is necessary and if He chooses to do so, one moment of illumination will be all that's needed. I never try and second guess the Lord, He opens up things as we need them, and those, when we are ready to understand.

God rears us in the faith one line at a time, and that over a lifetime. You have mentioned more than once that God is teaching you about important issues, probably best to follow His lead, and when you hear of the way others have felt, not to worry. God only knows what secret sins they have been delivered from and you may never feel the way they do. We are to seek Him and He will take care of the rest. He won't leave anything undone in you, though it may not look the same as others. I think we need to just be ourselves, with our own personality and temperament. God knows what each of us needs, and when.

I think the Puritan culture was completely different in some ways from ours. They could go on for months over something we dismiss immediately. Not to discredit them but they had little to compare themselves to. In light of what we know about people we might simply tell them to stop obsessing! 'for crying out loud, God will forgive you for choosing to buy pants with a zipper instead of the traditional button fly.' :)

These emotions you speak of and think you lack, are ones that come in the prayer closet and not something we seek but something that God reveals if necessary. We just trust and obey, finding our hope in His joy and love. His is not a heavey yoke of guilt and doubt. He uses Godly sorrow to bring us to repentance, but when repentance is done, the sorrow is lifted. We may hold on to guilt, but that's not the Spirit. He is guiding us in the way of life, and if we are in the way, remorse should be incidental.

So, that's my first blush and if it is way off, no matter, He will show you your way.

Trusting Him for all,
Fred


Pastor Eric’s Response:

I think the butchering and humiliation of Christ on a stake outside Jerusalem is all that is needed for the cleansing of sin.

In fact nothing we can manufacture, conjure, pray for, attempt to emote, punish ourselves with or resolve to restitute, will ever come close to adding to or taking away from a bloody roman cross.

It is God's work...not ours.

To attempt to add anything but faith...opens Pandora's box.

Repentance in whatever form is the gift of God....as is freedom from the gnawing terror of a life wasted, spoiled, dragged through the muck and mire.

You are blessed to be able to live a life without a deeply imbedded sliver of sin consciousness embedded in the unaccessible recesses of your inner consciousness.

I think the fact that you feel what you feel...is evidence that repentance has moved through the heart and mind.

The closer you get to the Sun the more blind you get.

Grace erases more than it reminds...because in the end...you are still thinking about...you.