Ouch!

The other day (or was it the other week, or the other month? time just goes too fast!), I overheard one of my kids saying to someone else in the family that I didn't used to be the way I am now. Oh, ugh. It was nearly unenduringly painful to hear those words. And I started praying right then and there that God would show me how to get back to being the person I used to be--a person of relatively consistent faith, and joy, and optimism.

I've been going back and reading some of my own older blog posts and they've been blessing me and reminding me of where I used to be. Isn't God great? I had no idea how much of a treasure this blog would be to me when I began it years ago, with the idea that it would someday hopefully be of some value to my children.

This story reminds me of the person (Robert Robinson) who wrote the hymn "Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing". I remember hearing that when he was older, he had wandered from God. In his later years, he met a lady who found out he had written that hymn, and told him how much she wished she had his faith. And he replied to her how much he wished he still had the faith he had had when he wrote the song.

Reading the third verse of the song especially lets me know that Mr. Robinson was aware of the danger that was lurking in his own heart. And I believe that God faithfully answered the prayers that were housed in this song. Even though Mr. Robinson had a crisis of faith, I believe that at the end of his life, God restored his faith and joy in his salvation.

Here are the treasured words of this favorite hymn:

Come, Thou Fount of every blessing,

Tune my heart to sing Thy grace;

Streams of mercy, never ceasing,

Call for songs of loudest praise.

Teach me some melodious sonnet,

Sung by flaming tongues above.

Praise the mount! I’m fixed upon it,

Mount of Thy redeeming love.

Sorrowing I shall be in spirit,

Till released from flesh and sin,

Yet from what I do inherit,

Here Thy praises I’ll begin;

Here I raise my Ebenezer;

Here by Thy great help I’ve come;

And I hope, by Thy good pleasure,

Safely to arrive at home.

Jesus sought me when a stranger,

Wandering from the fold of God;

He, to rescue me from danger,

Interposed His precious blood;

How His kindness yet pursues me

Mortal tongue can never tell,

Clothed in flesh, till death shall loose me

I cannot proclaim it well.

O to grace how great a debtor

Daily I’m constrained to be!

Let Thy goodness, like a fetter,

Bind my wandering heart to Thee.

Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,

Prone to leave the God I love;

Here’s my heart, O take and seal it,

Seal it for Thy courts above.

O that day when freed from sinning,

I shall see Thy lovely face;

Clothed then in blood washed linen

How I’ll sing Thy sovereign grace;

Come, my Lord, no longer tarry,

Take my ransomed soul away;

Send thine angels now to carry

Me to realms of endless day.

*******

Amen!

Secretariat - My Current Favorite Movie

Ever since I first saw my first preview of the movie Secretariat for the very first time, I badly wanted to see the movie. We hardly ever go to the theater because of the prohibitive cost, so I was very nearly holding my breath in anticipation of the release of the DVD. And I wasn't disappointed.

Keith checked out the movie at Blockbuster the day it was released, but that day I had something going on in the evening and we weren't able to watch it. However, the next day, Wednesday, January 26th, 2011, upon returning home from our Wednesday night church activities, Keith and Linnea and I decided to watch it. (The kids' school starts an hour later than normal on Thursdays, so Wednesday nights they're allowed to stay up a bit later than normal.)
Megan decided she didn’t want to watch it, because she “doesn’t like horse movies.” However, half an hour into the movie, she came into the family room and plopped herself down on the floor with a snack, intent on watching with us just while she was eating her snack. But after her snack was eaten, she remained in the room with us. And there she stayed until the very last moment of the movie! And it didn’t matter that the little kids were sleeping… By the end of the movie, my husband was crying, and Megan, Linnea and I were all cheering and clapping. And the very next day, we watched it again—twice!
So for Valentine’s Day, which was also the first anniversary of Keith and I renewing our vows, I asked Keith if he would buy the movie for me on Blu Ray, since we bought ourselves a Blu Ray player a while back, but hadn’t actually purchased any Blu Ray movies yet. So he did! And we spent several hours on Sunday and Monday, watching the movie again, and watching the extras (since the extras are no longer available to watch on most rental discs). Now I know more about Secretariat the horse than I ever thought possible, and it was so much fun getting there!

(I found this lovely painting of Secretariat on the internet, but cannot read the name of the person who painted it.)

Ugh

The last several months it's come to light that I have lost the respect of my children. At least some of them. So I've been trying to set clearer boundaries... and stick to them. The sticking to them is the tough part for me, especially when one or more or all of them are mad at me. Always the peacekeeper (not to be confused with the holy and valuable gift of being a peacemaker) I always want to do what ever I can as quickly as I can to bridge the gap and restore the relationship. Even if it means backing down, compromising my values and saying I'm sorry even if I wasn't the one in the wrong. Eek gads! I've become one of those miserable parents who wants to be their kids' friend instead of their parent. In my head I understand the difference, and the dire need my children have for a parent instead of a friend. But in my heart... That's a different story. Will someone please explain to me why what everyone says is right just feels so stinkin' wrong??
(photo from the internet)