The last several months it's come to light that I have lost the respect of my children. At least some of them. So I've been trying to set clearer boundaries... and stick to them. The sticking to them is the tough part for me, especially when one or more or all of them are mad at me. Always the peacekeeper (not to be confused with the holy and valuable gift of being a peacemaker) I always want to do what ever I can as quickly as I can to bridge the gap and restore the relationship. Even if it means backing down, compromising my values and saying I'm sorry even if I wasn't the one in the wrong. Eek gads! I've become one of those miserable parents who wants to be their kids' friend instead of their parent. In my head I understand the difference, and the dire need my children have for a parent instead of a friend. But in my heart... That's a different story. Will someone please explain to me why what everyone says is right just feels so stinkin' wrong??(photo from the internet)
3 comments:
Hi Mel,
Don't be frustrated or disappointed at what is happening to you.Sometimes as children grow up they want to be independent as fast as possible and want to fly on their own wings.But then as parents we have to do our duty till they really can stand on their own.I suppose even then our duty doesn't end there.We are parents and we will always love, care and worry about them even if they insult and misbehave with us.
Sometimes we will find their friends and outsiders become their close allies and they will confide many things to them that they don't tell us.They trust outsiders more than they trust us.This happens in most families.They will rebel against us because we try to make them understand that they should not make the same mistakes that we have made.They just don't understand our concern for their welfare.
As parents we should let them be when the time comes and make their own decisions whether it is right or wrong.We are always there for them if they need us.
I think you shouldn't get upset and lose you sleep over it. I know it is hard for us parents because they are our children and we lavished our love and affection and took so much trouble to take care of them all their lives.It is hard for us because we made so many sacrifices for them.It is difficult for us because we were the centre of their attraction once upon a time.Our life also centered on them and their well being.
Our life is like a book.We live one chapter at a time.Once a chapter is over it never repeats again.So lets carry on bravely through each chapter with our dignity,peace,forgiveness,understanding and appreciation. Our role keeps changing with every chapter and we have to adapt ourselves for our own peace and happiness.What gave us happiness in one stage may not make us happy at another stage of our life.We have to keep changing our priorities for our own happiness and peace of mind.
These are my thoughts on the subject because I gone through your experiences and I always felt very upset initially but somehow I try to my equilibrium and stay focused on things that will make me happy and give me peace of mind.
Please write on this comment of mine because I would life to know your views because you belong to a younger generation.
Best wishes Mel,
Joseph
Hi Joseph!
Thank you so much for your thoughtful response. I love hearing your perspective on things!
You asked me to respond with my perspective. Well, here goes. First of all, my perspective keeps changing. I've read so many parenting books and gone to so many classes and sought advice from so many people, but in the end, I know I must choose my own path as a parent.
Parenting is unique in the realm of human relationships because the goal of it is to raise healthy adults who can leave us and go out and be successful in the world. I pray that God will give me the grace to train up each of my children according to His will and their individual giftings, talents, and destiny. It's honestly a daily struggle for me, and I'm trying to lean on God's leading as much as I possibly can.
Thanks again for your delightful comment, Dear Joseph! I'm sure there will be many more occasions for us to share our views about parenting, as it is a task that lasts a lifetime.
Affectionately,
Mel :)
Hi Mel,
Many thanks for your thoughts which makes a lot of sense.
Yours affectionately,
Joseph
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