What do you do when you want something desperately and can't have it? Do you pout? Do you sulk? Do you yell? Do you try to manipulate to get your way? Do you sink into the pits of depression, defeat and/or discouragement? Do you pray? Do you seek the truth of God's Word? Do you seek the wisdom, counsel, encouragement or constructive criticism of Christian friends?

I had a personal experience with this recently, with something I wanted so desperately that I felt like I would go crazy or die if it didn't happen. That was my first clue that something was wrong. When someone wants something that badly, my belief is that it's a desire that hasn't been put under the cross and has reached unhealthy and unbalanced proportions. So on Saturday (March 25th) I was praying and talking to God about it. At first I begged Him to just make it happen. But I also was asking Him all along to guide my prayers, my thoughts, my desires and my feelings by His Spirit.

Linnea noticed that I was crying and asked what was wrong. I told her what I was feeling. Then I asked her what she thought. And God really used her words to bring a new perspective to my mind and heart. After our conversation, I felt a profound peace, that God is in control and He is guiding our steps. When and if it's the right time for this to happen, God will unite our hearts about it. Until then, I will wait on Him and trust Him completely, as always.

I originally posted this on 3/27/06. And then a very dear friend whom I trust whole-heartedly gently recommended to me that my choice of words might not have been the best. So I pulled it off and after prayer and thought, I have revamped it and am re-posting it today, 4/7/06.

At first I thought about just pulling it and leaving it pulled, but it's important to me to write this down for myself and for anyone else who might benefit from it, in order to call attention to some things. First, I don't believe that pouting, whining, a critical spirit, negative assumptions, cynicism, sarcasm, judgment and manipulation are part of God's plan for the relationships between His children. I hold fast to the simple yet difficult concept that a huge part of my calling as my husband's wife, the mother of our children and the female half of the leadership in our home, is to speak the truth IN LOVE, and to consistently pray for God's perfect will to be accomplished in our family, relationships and individual lives.

Secondly, I believe that as we whole-heartedly seek God's will and purpose for our lives, He will help us to want the things He wants for us. More and more in my Christian walk and in my life in general, I'm seeing that human beings typically follow the paths of their desires and wants. So my prayer every day, multiple times a day, is that God will shape my wants and my desires so that they will mirror His. And I can feel the power of His Spirit changing my heart and working in my life. All glory be to His matchless name forever!