The internet is such an incredible tool. In addition to checking all of my favorite blogs every two or three days, I’ve been spending a lot of time in the “Taste and See” portion of the “Desiring God” website, and reading through the words of and about a 17th century monk called “Brother Lawrence.”
On Tuesday my back injury made a reappearance. I have no idea what I did to excite it, but it started with a dull ache which I noticed for the first time when I was driving to work, and by the end of the day I could hardly walk. After leaving work ½ hour early, I went home to bed where I laid on a heating pad and made the best use of time I could by listening to some things online that I’ve been wanting to listen to for weeks but haven’t had an opportunity to.
One was a very cool Christian rap song with amazing words that I would love to memorize. The others were John Piper’s message from Sunday (which “just happened” to tie in beautifully with the massage that was preached at our church on Sunday), and a message from a pastor in California about Christianity and politics. I’ve also been checking out “Cyberhymnal,” looking up the hymns I enjoyed as a child and reading the stories behind them.
Several weeks back I uploaded a post about some things God is doing in my life and heart during this season of my life. It’s been a season of prayer, introspection and self-study, as I’ve endeavored to determine which parts of my outward life are real, and which parts are phony. Of course only God knows the full answer to that question, but as far as my limited understanding can tell, most of the characteristics that were at one time something I “put on” to gain the acceptance of my peers have somehow by God’s grace become woven into the fabric of who I really am.
My biggest struggles are: sharing my true feelings (allowing other people to see and hear when I am in pain, frustrated, discouraged, annoyed, disappointed, or whatever else) and, being disciplined. There are so many things I think I want for the future (to be in shape, to be out of debt, to develop my skills as a musician, etc), but am not choosing those outcomes with my day-to-day actions. It’s so easy to endlessly be saying “I’ll start working towards that tomorrow.”
2 comments:
Hi Mel, sorry to hear about your back, 'tis a malady I can relate too. But, sounds like you redeemed the time well. And it sounds like you are excited about life, which is always a joy.
You may notice that I post quite a few articles on my blog about the defeated or struggling Christian. I do this intentionally because in all the churches I have ever attended, the truth is preached but the failure is not. We here a continual proclamation of what we should be, and that is as it should be, but, we don't hear the real side, which is, the depth of struggle all Christians go through. It makes us seem less, or isolated, because we think, especially as a young Christian, that we should be further down the road of victory than where we are.
I'll steal a quote from a future post I'm planning on - "A little grace at first conversion may reform an ill life, but it must be a great deal of grace that must reform an ill heart. A little grace may make a man victorious over outward gross sins, but it must be a great deal of grace that makes a man victorious over inward sins, secret sins, spiritual sins, yea, a thorough conquest of these sins will hold a man in play all his days."
"A thorough conquest of these sins will hold a man in play all his days." There is the key issue, we feel less because we haven't attained to the place that will take a lifetime to reach. Now obviously we shouldn't kick back and accept our weaknesses, but the enemy makes us feel as though we are behind the norm. Not so, at fifty or sixty we will still be in the heat of the battle, still fighting the "ill heart." I feel this is part of what keeps us from exposing our true self, because we feel less than others. I won't write a novel, and no fair stealing that quote first :)
To my fellow bruised reed,
Fred
Oh Fred, to be excited about life again, to be full of joy in the Lord and to feel the glory of His mercy is a heady experience to be sure! I know there are painful times coming, but He has given me a "breather" and has restored the joy of His salvation to my heart, for which I am unspeakable grateful.
I love the quote you shared. Thank you. I will look forward to reading it on your blog and appreciating the picture you will choose to perfectly compliment it. :) I have enjoyed all of your blog posts. They have humbled my heart and opened my eyes and kept me from falling into the "I'm the only one in the world going through these trials" trap.
Here's to the fellowship of the "bruised reeds." :)
Many blessings to you, friend!
Mel
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