A Journal Entry – My heart is breaking

This theme keeps reverberating through my consciousness - Time is short. The end of earthly life as we know it is fast approaching. Redeem every moment.

Today is a momentous day. This day will see the election of our next president. God is sovereign. He is on the throne as He always has been and always will be. He still raises people to positions of power and takes them down again. I believe that this election will turn out a certain way. I also believe that this next year will see catastrophic, mind-blowing global suffering and change.

Is this Thanksgiving going to be the last Thanksgiving we will celebrate together in freedom? Is this Christmas going to be the last traditional American Christmas we’re going to experience? I don’t know for sure, of course, but it well could be. And if it isn’t, then the next one might be, or the next one, or the next one. I want to appreciate, treasure and be faithful with every moment.

I believe the roller-coaster ride of the end times has been set in motion. Jesus Christ is my car, my seatbelt, my track, my handle, my force, my foundation and my destination. May God in His mercy grant that my children will see Him that way, too--as the all in all of everything.

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This has been my passionate prayer for the last several years -– that God would direct my steps, thoughts, desires and decisions according to His perfect will. He is always faithful to do so, and uses many methods to accomplish that task. Many times He speaks to me through His Word, the Bible, and through the messages of my pastor. Sometimes He speaks to me through the words of men and women of faith, both past and present, dead and living. Sometimes He speaks to me through other people in one-on-one conversations (either in person or in writing).

Last week a dear Christian friend spoke to me and said, “You need to take care of yourself.” I could taste the truth of God in those words. (This same friend consistently sends me scriptures that he believes God has laid on his heart to send to me. Each and every time, the scriptures he sends are exactly what I needed to be reminded of at that precise moment.)

That same day another dear friend wrote to me and encouraged me to do the following: “Spend time in the Word and prayer each morning focusing on Christ and His Cross at least 15 to 20 minutes; and be a good steward of your day, by accomplishing the tasks that will bring you more peace and serve your family before serving your own need for answers and affirmation.” I could taste the truth of God and hear His precious voice in those words, too.

The same friend who wrote these words to me had also written something else to me a few days earlier that really stuck with me—namely, how vitally important sleep is. Sleep is easy for me to sacrifice, but it’s not good for me to do so, and I believe God showed me through her that it’s not His will for me.

Lord have mercy, I have been a hideous steward of my body in so many ways. This diary entry from Jonathan Edwards really hit my heart about the importance of healthy eating:

“By a sparingness in diet, and eating as much as may be what is light and easy of digestion, I shall doubtless be able to think more clearly, and shall gain time; 1. By lengthening out my life; 2. Shall need less time for digestion, after meals; 3. Shall be able to study more closely, without injury to my health; 4. Shall need less time for sleep; 5. Shall more seldom be troubled with the head-ache.” (Works, I, xxxv)

God brought this verse to my memory one day as I was sitting on the couch: “Idle hands are the devil’s workshop.” This truth is revealed in my life. When I’m sitting worrying instead of actually doing something, especially when I’m stressed, I have a nervous habit of picking at and chewing on the skin around my fingernails. Lately, the first three fingers on each of my hands are picked raw—very painful and bleeding. After my friend told me that I needed to take care of myself, when I would catch myself doing the picking thing, I’d remember what he said and God would use the memory to motivate me to stop (for that moment, anyway.)