Aslan is on the Move!

Dirty snow. I've seen about enough of it to last the rest of my life. Dirty sidwalks, dirty streets, bare trees, brown, soggy, trampled grass, and enough mud to build the Pyramids with...

But the good news is, Aslan is on the move! He will be here soon, and everything His paws touch will turn green. Flowers will burst forth out of the waiting ground. Warm breezes and gentle rains will carry away the dirt and grime and cold. The scent of flowers and new life will permeate the air. I can't wait. My heart is longing for Him.

Because I can't help it

"Herr Capellmeister, I should like to compose something; how shall I begin?" asked a youth of twelve who played with great skill on the piano.

"Pooh, Pooh," replied Mozart, "you must wait."

"But you began when you were younger than I am," said the boy.

"Yes, so I did," said the great composer, "but I never asked anything about it. When one has the spirit of a composer, he writes because he can't help it."

-"Pushing to the Front" by Orison S. Marden Published in 1911

(This was posted on Crowbar Massage on December 26, 2003. I've thought about it so much since I first read it that I knew I had to capture it and repost it here for easy access.)

*****

This story says so much to my heart. When I read a book, may it be because it's captured my heart so fully, I simply must read it and cannot put it down. When I sing a song, may it be because the song is filling my heart to overflowing so much that if I didn't sing it, I'd suffocate. When I spend time with my husband, children, family and friends, may my attention and passion be so fully engrossed, that all else ceases to exist. When I pray, may it be because God is planting His own vision and will so permanently in my heart, that crying it out loud back to Him is the only comprehensible response.

A Dream Come True

When the first Lord of the Rings movie came out (The Fellowship of the Ring) I badly wanted to see it in the theater, on the big screen. But I also badly wanted to finish reading the book trilogy first. Since it took me three months to finish the books, I missed seeing the first movie in the theater. I did get to see it on DVD, though, and I loved it all the more for having finished the books. I knew I would, because knowing and having an affection for the characters, and a general understanding of the plot, always helps me enjoy movies more fully and enhances the entire experience greatly.

Since we have a giant movie collection, and watching movies is primarily what we do together as a family for relaxing recreation, we finally decided to invest in a big screen TV about 2 1/2 years ago. And ever since then, it's been a dream of mine to watch all of the Lord of the Rings movies in one day, from beginning to end.

The dream had kind of fallen on the back burner for the last year or so because of the overwhelming busy-ness of my life, until recently when I decided to start going back and reading the very first posts of several of my favorite blogs. I came across several posts with the texts from some of my favorite scenes from the movies, and my appetite to watch the movies was suddenly back and in full force.

Yesterday, it finally happened... After we got home from church and had a bite of lunch, we started watching the first movie at about 1 p.m. Because there are several young children in the house, there were, of course, multiple interruptions. The last movie finished at about 1 a.m. (And what and incredible finish it was!)

Those 12 hours were some of the most refreshing, exhilerating, invigorating, inspiring hours of my life! There are so many scenes from the whole trilogy that make my heart feel like it's about to explode out of my chest. The scene in this picture is one of my favorite scenes, not just from this series, but of all time. When Aragorn gently closes Frodo's fingers over the One Ring and swears to protect Frodo with his own life, I can hardly bear the sweetness of it. This scene calls to deep places in my heart and spirit that I don't even have access to, at least not yet.

I believe it was God's will for us to watch those movies yesterday, partly because my husband's work phone didn't ring a single time. I can't remember the last time that happened on a Sunday. Also, it was quite remarkable that we all agreed together that this was something we wanted to do. After all, 12 hours is an awfully long time to sit. It's utterly incredible how God works everything together in perfect timing and harmony, like a diverse and complicated orchestral number. He knows just when and how to motivate people to do what He would have them do, according to His perfect will and plan, and all of the tiny details that need to fall into place to accomplish that.

Last night as we were watching Frodo and Sam struggle to cross the harsh wastelands of Mordor, I realized I'm facing the same kind of battle in my own life. It's something I've been putting off for far too long, because I've been so afraid of it. But with God's help, I believe the time has come to bite the bullet, to jump into the deep end, and to embrace the changes that will be necessary to conquer the Orcs and Uruk-hai in my life.

With that end in mind, I've copied Pastor Eric's idea and have started another blog--a health and fitness journey journal. May God use it as He has used all of the other trusted blogs He's placed in my life - to motivate, challenge, strengthen and equip.

Breaking Out of the "Rudy" Mentality

I've never thought about this before, until after a conversation I had with someone at work a week or two ago. One of the departments at my work is going through a training class aimed at figuring out what each person is good at and what they most enjoy doing, and finding ways to let them express those giftings naturally in their work environment. After all, people are far more efficient and a lot more satisfied when they're doing something they're good at and that they enjoy.

Many times we don't ever realize our full potential, and part of the reason is because America is under a "Rudy" mentality. Think about the movie "Rudy" for a second... Here's this guy, a short, light-weight guy, who dreams of playing football for a certain college team. He's not built for football, football is not what he was created to do, and yet he continues to pursue this dream, all the while ignoring his other talents and letting the fullness of his potential lay untapped.

I admit, I've seen the movie, and liked it. But once I started thinking about this, I realized how silly the whole idea of that movie, and the story behind it, really was. As the person who was telling me about this said, "Yeah, it's a shining example, all right... A shining example of horrendous waste."

I began to meditate on the difference between "Rudy" and my favorite movie of all time, "August Rush." If "Rudy" is a shining example of wasted potential, then "August Rush" is a glorious testament to the beauty of potential realized. When, with the help of the Holy Spirit, a person finds what they were created to do, and when they embrace it passionately with their whole heart, they will be much further along on the road to rich joy and fulfillment in this life.

Irresistable

For the last several months, every time I've heard the song, "O Sacred Head Now Wounded," I've been irresistably drawn to it. Several times I've said to my mother, "I need to memorize the words to this song, it's a dire necessity!" But when I looked up the words, I discovered there were 11 verses, and, frankly, I was intimidated. But the song still called to me, like a Siren's song, and finally I realized that the appeal of all of the other songs I've been wanting to memorize had been lost.

So I've been dedicating the last week or two to committing these precious words to the depths of my heart, and God has been using them to minister to me in profound ways. I won't post the lyrics here, because, frankly, lyrics without music seem to be dead for most people. But if you ever want me to sing them to you, let me know... I'd be more than happy to. :)

The Underappreciated Value of Blogs

Blogs are kind of like playlists… When a person finds the playlist of a person who has the same musical tastebuds as themselves, they can trust that they will enjoy nearly every song on that playlist. What a blessing to find something like that! The work has already been done, the playlist has already been compiled, all you have to do is sit back and enjoy being able to listen to a bunch of favorites from one simple source.

Blogs are the same way. When you find the blog of someone with the same spiritual tastebuds as yourself, it's like finding a concentrated source of spiritual nutrition. What a blessing to know people who can be searching through books and websites and going to classes and having ideas that you'll never have on your own, or have the opportunity to go through on your own. And that they can inexpensively and convenientely share those precious gems of truth... Well, it's a modern-day miracle, and no less.

There are about 5 blogs that are in that realm for me.... Every time I visit them, I come away feeling blessed, or challenged, or convicted--but every single time, I feel 100% that it was by Divine grace and providence that I was allowed the privilege of the visit. There is a noble purpose and high calling in it. May God grant that I be faithful with everything He has trusted to me, including these precious opportunities.

When You're Green, You Grow

“When you’re green, you grow. When you’re not, you rot.”

My Internet friend, Danielle, who owns the blog “Danielle’s Realm,” shared this quote with me. It’s simple, short, catchy, easy to remember, and full of volumes of truth.

"I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.” Jesus Christ, in John 15:5

I sat in a church pew for years, hearing the messages and going through the motions, but not really growing. Not really changing. Not really being renewed deeply, from the inside out. But I thought it was okay. I was going to church. I was doing my part. The rest was up to the pastor and the teachers, and if I wasn’t growing, it was their fault.

Then God grabbed hold of my heart and told me that getting to know Him – really know Him – should be the most passionate pursuit of my life. That all of life, every moment of every day, is an opportunity to learn more about Him, and that church wasn’t just a place to learn more about Him—it’s a place to put into practice everything He’s been teaching me during the moments of my life when I’m not in church.

Things like learning how to love and accept people, including myself, unconditionally. Learning how to love, appreciate and enjoy being around all kinds of people, even the EGR (extra-grace-required) ones. Learning how to live and love fiercely and fearlessly, as the Spirit of God captures more of my heart, mind, energy, affections and trust.

How many people are rotting on their couches in front of the TV, or in their chairs in front of the computer, or i the pews of churches where they attend merely to punch a timecard, as it were? How heartbreaking it is, when God is right there, eagerly waiting to fill and cleanse all of our lives with streams – no, geysers! – of Living Water. Pure. Fresh. Exhilarating. Thirst-quenching.
I pray that we will all be hungrier and thirstier for more of Him, and will have open minds and hearts that hear and respond to His still, small voice—wherever it comes from.

Who is this God?

To answer that question, let’s look first at how God defines Himself:

“And he passed in front of Moses, proclaiming, "The LORD, the LORD, the compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness, maintaining love to thousands, and forgiving wickedness, rebellion and sin. Yet he does not leave the guilty unpunished; he punishes the children and their children for the sin of the fathers to the third and fourth generation." Exodus 34: 6, 7

This is the passage of scripture that is most quoted by (or repeated in) scripture. That tells me it’s worth paying close attention to. We should closely examine our concept of God to see if who we think God is lines up with who God says He is.

And then it’s helpful to look at who others say He is. Those who dwell closest to Him in the throne room of Heaven, the mighty angels, who see Him much more clearly and truthfully than we do, declare this:

"Holy, holy, holy is the LORD Almighty; the whole earth is full of his glory." – Isaiah 6:3b

It seems to me we like to think of the attributes of God’s character that most benefit us. But I pray that we would have a far deeper love for and appreciation of God’s holiness. I borrowed the following snippet from “The Souls of Men":

“Holiness is the glory of all the Divine perfections… Holiness is the distinctive glory of the Godhead: as Howe termed it, “an attribute of attributes, casting lustre upon the others.” As God’s power is the strength of His perfections, so His holiness is the beauty of them: as all would be weak without almightiness to back them, so all would be uncomely without holiness to adorn them.”

And here’s another statement about God’s holiness from Jonathan Edwards that God has used to truly change my life, from the inside out:

“It is most evident by the Works of God, that his understanding and power are infinite. . . . Being thus infinite in understanding and power, he must also be perfectly holy; for unholiness always argues some defect, some blindness. Where there is no darkness or delusion, there can be no unholiness. . . . God being infinite in power and knowledge, he must be self-sufficient and all-sufficient; therefore it is impossible that he should be under any temptation to do any thing amiss; for he can have no end in doing it. . . . So God is essentially holy, and nothing is more impossible than that God should do amiss.”

This is my God, the God I love, the God I serve, the God Who fills my life with joy and purpose. I’m enjoying getting to know Him more, every day, and am filled with anticipation because I realize that this… This is just the beginning.

Tools in the Hands of a Living God

Why is it that we tend to objectify "things"? We label things as evil, when it is the heart of man that is wicked.

When I was growing up as a Baptist, everything was considered evil. Movies. Decks of Cards. Make-up. Certain ways of speaking. Certain ways of dressing. Alcohol. Cigarettes. Just things, inanimate objects with no real moral value at all. And rules, rules, and more rules. But hardly any love, and what there was of love was a vain, hypocritical, self-seeking love, for the most part. At least, that's how it seemed to me, and that's how it seemed to my dad, who stopped going to church when I was quite young.

These days I know people who label the internet as evil. Because it is used for evil purposes. But I say that the internet itself is not evil! It's just a tool, just like anything else. If evil is promoted or accomplished on the Internet, it's because the heart of man is evil, and the internet is merely serving as a magnifying glass to show everyone around it the evil hearts of the people who use it for that reason.

Alcohol is the same way. The Bible referrs to "new wine," not in negative terms, but in positive ones. Jesus's first miracle involved wine. He said that people called Him a drunkard because He drank wine.

Prohibition and the Temperance Movement happened because people labeled alcohol as wicked, when instead, it was their own hearts that needed (and still need) cleansing. Alcohol has been present from almost the very beginning. It's been a major part of celebration and mourning, and even of healing, for mellenia.

When my husband has had a drink or two, he becomes the most sensitive of men. I've come into the room only to find his cheeks soaked with tears that were inspired because of a song he was listening to. Normally he's a very get-to-the-point, let's-get-it-done, driven, ambitious sort of person. But after a drink or two, he becomes sensitive, warm, and funny. He lets go of the mountains of cares that life has placed on his shoulders, and begins, just for a moment, to enjoy the small pleasures of life--free and unfettered.

God is good. Everything He created has a good purpose and a holy use. May we learn to balance and accept what He has given us with gratitude and humility, and to allow Him to truly rule lovingly in our lives, in every single detail. All glory to Your name, Dear Lord!

A Tale of a Man and his Wife

People-pleasing, peace-keeping (not to be confused with the much higher and holy calling of peace-making) "B-type" people like me sometimes have a hard time with more controlling "A-type" personalities. Not that I have a hard time getting along with them, because I'm usually able to get along with anyone. But I do struggle with having hard feelings and animosity towards them quite frequently, which presents certain challenges, especially since I'm married to one.

My entire married life I've wanted to be a good godly submitted Christian wife, so much so that I made up a mental list of what the actions of a submitted wife would look like, and spent a great deal of time and energy schooling my actions and non-verbal communication to make it look like I was that person. And yet, I've struggled with respecting my husband and submitting to his authority with my whole heart. I'm good at faking it, though, so many times it looks like I'm submitting to him and respecting him, when in my heart I'm rebelling with the worst kind of rebellion.

It all kind of came to a head when my mom moved here in November. Keith was concerned, I think, that when she came, I would consistently choose her over him. I tried to reassure him, and myself, that he was and would be and would remain my first priority after she moved here. However, the day before she was scheduled to arrive, he and I got into a heated e-mail argument.

In my writing, I attacked him with viciousness, cruelty, criticism, and harsh judgment. Repeatedly. And what's worse, I thought God was on my side. I felt like my anger was righteous anger. But when I hit "send" on the final round of e-sparring, God instantly opened my eyes to see the ugliness and horror of what I had done.

All these years my husband has said he doesn't really believe that he's my first human priority, and that I care more about other people and more about what they think than I do about him or about what he thinks. And all these years I've heatedly denied it, holding up and pointing to my list of self-made evidences to the contrary.

As soon as I hit the send button on that last email, God opened the eyes of my heart to finally truly see that Keith has been right all these years--he hasn't truly been my first priority, not on the inside, where it matters most. I was immediately ashamed of myself, to the core of my being.
I wrote him another email, within minutes of the last nasty one I'd sent him, asking him to please, please forgive me, and praying the God would give him the grace to do so. And I determined then and there to start taking steps to change my heart towards my husband. I felt comforted and encouraged by that determination and hopeful that things would truly begin to change for the better, from the inside out.

Little did I know...

A true test of my new conviction came the next night when my mom called to say she was nearly to Spokane. God had graciously provided someone for her to ride with, who was also able to tow her car behind them, and she was calling to say she wanted me to meet her at the downtown 3rd Avenue U-Haul where they were going to return the dolly they'd used to tow her car here.

Keith was on the phone working, and Stephen was playing video games, so I loaded up Becca and Michael into the truck and was just pulling out when Keith came out into the garage and asked what I was doing. I explained it to him, and he told me I should call her back and have her jump on the freeway after unloading the dolley, and meet me on Argonne instead of me going all the way downtown.

I knew she wouldn't like that at all, but I was trying to be the submitted wife, and to put my husband first, so I called her and asked her to do that. She sounded panicky and literally ordered me to get into the truck right now and come get her. My heart was torn in two. Keith was telling me quietly in the background to tell her that he was having a busy night with work, and to explain to her why he wanted us to do it that way. But instead of doing that, I simply told her that Keith was dead set against me coming downtown and that I couldn't do it.

After we hung up, I could see that Keith was extremely upset. He said that I had made him sound like an awful person, and that mom and the person driving her were both going to think badly of him because of what I had said and the way I had said it. He also said that whenever he talks to other people about me, he never does so in a way that would make me look bad to them. He always finds ways to say whatever needs to be said in the most honoring and dignified way possible, whereas when I talk to people about him, I do so to make myself look innocent and him look like the bad guy.

What could I say to that? He was completely and utterly correct, to my eternal, gut-wrenching shame.

I was extremely disheartened, discouraged and disgusted with myself (not to mention stressed out.) Here, just the day before, I had vowed to myself that I would put Keith first and honor him from the inside out. And here I was, proving to Keith and myself and everyone else that I was incapable of doing it.

But God used the situation to add more layers to the revelation from the day before. He showed me that only He will ever be able to change my innermost heart to make Keith my first human priority. I can't do it on my own, no matter how much I want to. But when it does happen, all of the glory will go to God alone. Hallelujah!

He also showed me that disrespecting Keith in my heart is something that I learned to do as a child, when I disrespected my dad (the male authority figure in the house and in the family at that time) in the same way.

I had secretly held them both in disdain. I secretly considered myself better, wiser, smarter, more spiritual, more valuable than them. All the while pretending to honor and respect them with my outward actions and non-verbal communication, even though my heart was full of corruption and pride and selfishness. Dear Lord, have mercy.

I didn’t know what to do or where to go from there… I felt absolutely paralyzed. A prayer something like, “Dear God, forgive me. Humble my heart. Have mercy on me. Show me what to say and do,” kept reverberating through my heart.

The person who had driven my mom up to Spokane was able to bring her and her car all the way to our house. (Thank You, Lord! And thank you to that person.) As soon as they arrived, I immediately told them all of the reasons why Keith had suggested that I not drive all the way downtown, and apologized profusely for dishonoring my husband, and for making their evening more difficult.

After the driver had left, Mom and I worked on unloading her things and taking them to her room and getting her settled in there. While we were doing that, Keith left for a while, because he desperately needed to be alone, to think and to pray. When he came back a few hours later, my mom and all of the kids were in bed (it was between 11 p.m. and midnight when he returned). I could tell he was still really hurt and angry because his entire being was completely closed off to me.

With my heart pounding and tears aching in my throat the whole time, I told him what God had shown me about how I had pretended to respect him, but had dishonored him in my heart all of those years, just as I had dishonored my father. I begged for his forgiveness and told him I didn’t know how to change myself, but that God would be the One to do the changing, and would he (Keith) please, please be patient with me, and pray for me toward that end?

All was definitely not okay yet after our conversation, but there was a notably marked thawing in what had been a frigid relational atmosphere. A layer of pretense was replaced with a layer of authenticity. And since then, slowly but surely, things have been changing in my heart and in our relationship, day by day.

This is one small part of an ongoing story that began years ago… Will the other parts be written? Only God knows.

Why I blog (one reason anyway)

One of the reasons I enjoy blogging is because it affords opportunities for me to share what's going on in my head and my heart. I say it as I see it. Sometimes I don't see it truthfully or accurately, in fact, most of the time I probably don't, which is why I hope that anyone who reads anything here that they don't agree with, or have questions about, will feel comfortable sharing their thoughts and feelings freely, without reservation. (I promise not to be offended. I may be hurt, but it won’t last very long, and I’ll deeply appreciate your honesty in the long run.)

I don't like believing lies or half-truths. The quest for absolute truth has been a common theme throughout my life so far.

My first resource in that quest is the Holy Spirit Himself, and I call on Him frequently and passionately to examine my heart, thoughts, and motivations, and the parts of myself that I don’t see, and to “guide me in all truth,” as the Word says.

In addition to that, a great way to find out if what I believe on the inside is the truth or not, is to expose it to the light of day by writing and/or speaking about it. I’ve been in bondage to secrets my whole life, until just recently, and am now more than willing to share my innermost feelings and thoughts, even though I might be wrong, or criticized, or even rejected for it. Obviously, there are common-sense boundaries that need to be maintained, but, in light of “Sola Scriptura,” it seems to me there's a great deal of freedom to maneuver within those boundaries.

What got me thinking about this were a friend’s comments (on their blog, not mine) regarding my "The Benefits of Being Chubby" post.

Here are the comments (unchanged except for a few minor typo corrections and one clarification):

I did read [your post] yesterday...and thought about responding but in the end didn’t. Yours was a very honest post Mel, one that said a lot, it was very vulnerable and I respect that. But I disagreed with a number of your conclusions but didn’t want to hinder the transparency by engaging the issues you brought up.

Mel, I would add...that my disagreements were not very big, you just said a lot of loaded statements in my opinion. Stuff that begs some follow up...but these types of issues are so personal and close to peoples hearts...it gets too personal to quick.

*********

I’d like to speak specifically to the following points in these comments:

“But I disagreed with a number of your conclusions but didn’t want to hinder the transparency by engaging the issues you brought up.”

--- Part of the reason I try to be transparent is because I want to know if I’m on the right track or not, and also to inspire freedom of thought and expression in others. If a person wants to address something I’ve said here, I pray that they will, boldly and without fear. I whole-heartedly welcome differing ideas and opinions, and pray that God will be glorified as we all learn how to walk this incredibly treacherous road called life together, instead of in isolation.

*********

“Stuff that begs some follow up...but these types of issues are so personal and close to peoples hearts...it gets too personal to quick.”

--- I guess I’ve had so much of “aloof and detached” that “personal” sounds pretty good. It needs to be a Spirit-led and accountable version of personal for sure. As difficult as that might sound, with the help of an infinite Creator to Whom relationships are precious and valuable, in spite of the difficulty, it must certainly be possible…?

*********

Maybe I’m way off base, and if so, I know that God will correct me as His daughter. He may use people to do that. I’m enjoying learning how to communicate without fear of rejection or failure. But as with anything of value, it comes with a price. May God guide and direct my steps in all things, for His own honor and glory, according to His will, in the precious name of Christ.

Gotta Love Mustard

I received this story in an email many years ago, and laughed so hard I cried. Unfortunately I was going through one of my "delete everything" phases, and ended up deleting it. Since then, I've been doing Google searches trying to find it about once every six months. Finally, yesterday, I found it! It's really gross, but it still makes me laugh until my stomach hurts. :)

**************

As ham sandwiches go, it was perfection. A thick slab of ham, a fresh bun, crisp lettuce and plenty of expensive, light brown, gourmet mustard. With the corners of my jaw aching in anticipation, I carried it to the picnic table in our backyard, picked it up with both hands, but was stopped by my wife suddenly at my side.

"Hold Johnny (our six-week-old son) while I get my sandwich" she said.

I had him balanced between my left elbow and shoulder and was reaching again for the ham sandwich when I noticed a streak of mustard on my fingers.

... I love mustard.
..... I had no napkin.
....... I licked it off.
......... It was not mustard.

No man ever put a baby down faster. It was the first and only time I have ever sprinted with my tongue protruding. With a washcloth in each hand I did the sort of routine shoeshine boys do, only I did it on my tongue.

Later (after she stopped crying from laughing so hard) my wife said, "Now you know why they call that mustard 'Poupon'."

The Benefits of Being Chubby

I find it somewhat ironic that I'm posting this on the same day that Pastor Eric posted about his fitness goals. Sigh... Sometimes life is like that.

I have gained 40 lbs in the last several months. I now weigh more than I ever have except for when I was 9 months pregnant. There are several benefits to this, though, and I really mean that.

For one thing, women no longer look at me like an enemy. There seems to be an unspoken, barely-acknowledged competition thing going on between women these days. Every time a woman walks into a room, every other woman in the room assesses her to see if she might be some sort of threat. Is she prettier than they are? Is she thinner? How's her hair, her clothes, her make-up, her jewelry, etc?

When I was losing weight and fitting into my smaller clothes, many of the men in my life were attentive and complimentary, and there seemed to be a wall between me and many of the women I know. It was unspoken, but it was there. Since I've gained weight, that hidden animosity has all but vanished, and the men are definitely less attentive.

For a person that struggles with pride, this is really a very good thing. And for a Christian woman/wife/mother/employee, etc, it can be a good thing as well. I no longer feel an almost insatiable desire to glance into any and every reflective surface that I pass by. And I realize that any attention I'm getting from anyone, male or female, is going more likely going to be based on who I am, rather than how I look. And, there's no possible way I'll ever be tempted to wear something outside of the house that might not exactly be God-glorifying.

I know I've been called to be a good steward of this body. And I know that when the time is right, God will motivate me and energize me towards that end. But there are still a lot of hidden areas of black, stubborn pride in my heart, and I don't think God is going to bring the weight-loss until most or all of those areas are taken care of.

A Lovely Lady to be Named After

I was named after Melanie Wilkes in the book "Gone With the Wind." When I was a little girl, I hated my name, because it was uncommon. I didn't know any other Melanie's. I desperately wanted to have a more popular name, like Ashley, or Lindsay, or Jennifer. When I was in the 7th grade, I decided to start going by my middle name, which is Deborah. I told everyone at school that my name was Debbie, and went by that name for a whole year. But I found it was too much of a hassle, going by two different names, so after that year I went back to using my first name.

I'm so glad I did.

As an adult, I saw the movie "Gone With the Wind" a time or two, and then I read the book. I absolutely fell in love with Melanie's character in the story, and from then on I have been increasingly grateful for my name, and the fact that I was named after that person specifically. May God help me to become a person like that -- brave, loyal, patient, hard-working, self-sacrificing, and good-hearted to the core.

An Unexpected Gift

I go walking with a very dear friend of mine once a month. Last month when we walked, he was rather down, which is very abnormal for him. After we walked, I sent him an email and told him that if he would like me to, and if we could find a quiet place away from the mainstream, I might sing to him some of the hymns that God has used to lift my heart and put a smile on my face. He responded that, yes, he would like that.

So this past Tuesday we went for our February walk. It was too cold to walk outside, so we went walking in Riverpark Square and through the skywalk system. I brought the words to several hymns with me, and we looked for a quiet place off the beaten path. But we didn't see anything anywhere that looked like it would work.

He's an inspector, so he knows the buildings in Spokane better than most, and he knew of a lobby area that is rarely visited. We went there by taking a elevator that I didn't even know was there, but when we got to the lobby, someone was mopping the floor. So my friend suggested that we take the elevator to the top floor and see what that looked like. It ended up being an entryway to a level of condos on the top floor of one of the downtown buildings. It was a small area, probably about 15X30 ft.

I've never sung for anyone, by myself and unaccompanied, before, except my own family. So I told him I was going to close my eyes and pretend he wasn't there, and I gave him the words to follow along with. I had barely sung 3 words when the elevator door chimed, and my eyes snapped open and I put my hand over my mouth, quite embarassed.

It ended up being the same fellow who had been mopping the floor in the area we'd originally intended to use. He asked us if we were waiting for someone, and my friend said, "No, we were just looking for a quite place to read something." The kind man offered to let us in to a model unit condo that happened to be just down the hall from where we were, but even if we had known it was there, we couldn't have gotten to it because the hall was sealed by a locked door. He opened the door for us, and opened the door to the model unit. It was empty, except for a table in the great room where consultations must take place with people who are looking to buy condos in that building.

We thanked him extravagantly, and I was able to sing the hymns for my friend in a beautiful room full of windows and vaulted ceilings, with incredible acoustics. My friend cried, and we prayed together, and it was such an incredible, beautiful, uplifting time. Like a cool fresh green oasis in the middle of a scorching desert. I know that it was God's gift to both of us that day. I've never experienced anything quite like it.