It's Great to be Home!

It's always fun to go on vacation, but for me, coming home from vacation is still one of the best parts. This is a picture of the fountain in front of the hotel we stayed at, the Ritz Carlton on Key Biscayne Island in Florida.

One of the best things about the trip was the bed, which had a feather bed topper, soft cotton sheets and a down comforter. One night I slept for 8 hours straight without moving or waking up once. That very rarely happens to me, so when it does, it's cause for celebration! :) These are the four books I took with me, since I couldn't pick just one. I read the short stories of Wendell Berry on our flight to Florida, and read 200 or so pages of "Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee" on the flight back to Spokane. I'm hoping to post some great quotes from the book on my blog Echoes sometime in the near future.

On Tuesday we went on a tour of the Everglades, which included a stop at a winery called Schnebly's where they make all of their wine using tropical fruit grown locally. They do not use any grapes in their wine, and I have to say, it was the only wine I've ever tasted that I actually half-way liked.

When we arrived at the winery, it was pouring down rain, but when we got on the bus to head back to the hotel, this is what the sky looked like. I love cloudy/sunny skies and rain washed earth, and couldn't take enough pictures of the scene.

This is the center piece from Tuesday night's dinner, which was fantastic and beautiful.

We met several amazing couples on the trip. One couple from Louisiana has been married 28 years. The wife told me she and her husband are constantly telling other couples that even though raising a family and staying together is difficult in this day and age, it does get easier after the kids are grown, and it's worth it to hang in there through the challenging times.

Another couple we met, from Texas, has been married 44 years. They don't have children, but they have 3 dogs. We chatted with them at dinner on Monday night, and in spite of a 20 or 30-year age difference, we all saw eye-to-eye on most of what we talked about. Things such as raising children who know how to work hard, be considerate, and respect their elders, as well as how to work and run a business ethically and honestly.

Finally we met a couple from Montana. The husband sings in a Southern Gospel choir that tours around, and I'm hoping that our church will invite his group to visit. We greatly enjoyed talking to this Christian couple about God and oh-so-many other things.

I pray that God will richly touch and bless all of the people we met there.

A Little Vacation

Keith and I are heading to Florida tonight. We'll be back late Wednesday night. I hope to bring back pictures and blog post fuel. All of you, my blogging friends, are in my thoughts and prayers always. I don't know what I'd do without you. :)

(photo from Katrena)

Lunchtime Encounter with God

Yesterday at lunch I went to Lourdes Cathedral to pray. I never even realized it was there, just a few blocks from my work, until a few days ago. There is a service that takes place there at noon every day, and I was in the sanctuary while that noon-hour service was going on. I can’t even begin to describe how full my heart was—so full that it literally overflowed in tears of joy and awe and repentance. The room was full of quiet, profound reverence. The stained glass windows with the sun shining through them were beyond breathtaking. I don’t remember the last time I felt the presence of God so powerfully or so deeply. I can’t wait to go back! (This time it’ll be with a stash of Kleenex in my pocket…)

(Photo from Katrena)

These are a couple of photos I took while I was at the cathedral. They don't do the windows justice, though.

Our Beautiful Blue Planet

I downloaded Google Earth so I could follow the progress of certain freshwater well projects through Charity Water. It’s one of the most amazing feats of electronic achievement I’ve ever seen! My husband has been having a great time exploring with it, too. He even found our house. You can zoom in really close—close enough to see the cars in the driveway and the pool in the back yard. Talk about having the whole world at your fingertips! It’s a map-lover’s paradise! J

(Phto From the Inernet)

Books, Books and More Books

Tuesday night I was blessed to be able to go to the Spokane Valley Library—twice! The first time I went it was just me and my mom, because I knew she needed to get out of the house for a bit. We found several delightful picture books to take home to read to the kids, as well as a couple of DVD’s, one of which was “War Photographer.” The second time I went, it was just me and Linnea, and together we ended up getting three bags full of books. To coin a phrase of Pastor Eric’s, “My reading eyes are bigger than my reading stomach.” For sure.

I was nearing the end of the book “A Generous Orthodoxy” by Brian McLaren at that time, and wanted to check out some of the books that he references in it. One of the books I checked out is “Bury My Heart At Wounded Knee” by Dee Brown. It’s a non-fiction book about some portions of American history as told form a Native American perspective. I’m only about 4 pages into it, and I’ve been near tears a few times already. The atrocities that have been committed by people of my own race and religion (in God’s name, no less!!) absolutely take my breath away and cause my heart to physically hurt. My father-in-law, my mom’s boyfriend and one of my best friends from high school are both Native American, so this book is especially meaningful to me. May God use it to open my eyes and humble my heart.

(This photo is also from Katrena)

Birthday Bookmarks

One of my favorite things to do used to be giving out little goodies to people on their birthdays. I had a basket at work and a basket at church that I tried to keep stocked with candy bars, gum, stickers, cool pens, and other little trinkets that I thought people would like. Then, on or near their birthday, they’d get to pick something out of the basket as a special treat. Because of our financial situation, I’m unable to keep up the ministry of the birthday basket, and have been trying to think of other things I can do to recognize people’s birthdays in a tangible way.

Just recently, I decided to try making bookmarks for people. I have a 2009 desk calendar that has a different Thomas Kincaid picture on each page. So instead of throwing the pages away when the day is over, I’ve been cutting out the pictures, and combining them with colorful paper, birthday greetings, and inspirational verses or quotes to make bookmarks that hopefully will be pretty durable. So far the few people I’ve given them to have seemed to like them, and I hope that God will use this little ministry to bring glory to His name.

(first photo from Katrena)

Here's a photo of four of the bookmarks I've made so far. I took the picture before I wrote and posted the post, but had no way at that time to get the photo off my camera.

War Photographer

Keith and I watched this movie last night about James Nachtwey, a photographer who has dedicated his life and career to capturing the horrors and suffering of war on film, in order to draw the attention of the world to the futility of war and the cause of peace. The words "God," "Jesus," "Christian," and "church" were not mentioned even once the entire time (that I can recall), and yet the message of Jesus whispered loudly to my spirit the entire time.

This man has endured and witnessed unspeakable horrors. He has sacrificed having a wife and family of his own. He has been sick with horrible diseases, and has been injured five separate times. In the film there are several instances when he's in areas where he has to completely cover his face because of sulfur in the air, or because of airborne chemicals being used as weapons.

My prayers go out to this man, and I deeply thank God for him and for the way he is ushering in God's Kingdom of Peace in such quiet but powerful ways.

Unplugged

I’ve been feeling a little frazzled lately. I need to take some time to get my priorities in order and to let my thoughts and feelings settle for a while. Or maybe, I need to let some of them settle, and some of them come to the surface and be expressed and exposed to the light of day. Anyway, I’m going to spend a few days in good old fashioned paper and hands-on therapy. (The Bible and good books and solid human interaction.) To all of my blogging friends, I love you, and I’ll see you in a few days. J

(photo from an email a friend sent)

Springtime Refreshment

I've been having a great time taking pictures. (Thanks to my friends Joseph and Katrena for the inspiration.) This is a picture of the Spokane River from the Post Street Bridge.

This is one of the blooming bushes outside the public safety complex.

This is my back yard and yes, that is an actual teeter totter. Michael and Rebecca balance each other out surprisingly well in spite of the 2-year age difference.

This is the weeping cherry tree in my back yard, which is in full bloom, next to a couple of our evergreen bushes, which are not doing quite so well.

There's my little monkey, Stephen, enjoying one of the Maple trees in our front yard.

This tree outside the public safety complex is one of many flowering trees on that particular street. They don't stay flowery for very long, so I'm grateful that God blessed us with a sunny day on a day that I had my camera as well as time on my lunch hour to do some spur-of-the-moment photography.

This budding bush is near City Hall where I work, and the bridge in the background is the Monroe Street Bridge, which is a huge part of the official City of Spokane icon.

These little marmots decided to investigate what I was doing. So I decided to make the most of the moment and snap their picture. Aren't they cute?

Here's another shot of the river, which is swollen with spring run-off.

Here's Rebecca, enjoying the warm spring weather with me.

There are links on the right side of this blog page now. One of them is a link to Katrena's photos, which are gorgeous, and a link to mine, some of which are decent, but most of which are just ho-hum. But that's okay. I'm having fun exploring and experimenting. :)

A Friendly Hippo in a Bathing Suit

One of my jobs at work is to put together the agendas for the Monday night City Council Meetings. I put together a draft, my boss makes changes to it, I update the agenda with her changes, and then I print the corrected version out and give it to another person in the office who checks to make sure I’ve made all the changes, and that neither myself nor my boss missed anything important. When I get it completely right, which isn’t very often, the person who does the second proof puts a sticker on the front page of the agenda. Currently the stickers she’s using are stickers of happy, friendly-looking purple cartoon hippos in bathing suits… It’s amazing just how motivating those cute little stickers are to me, and how much harder I work at making sure the agenda is as perfect as possible in an effort to earn that coveted sticker. It’s the little things…

A Precious Friend and Fellow Believer

This is my friend Ernie from work, and his lovely wife Sandy, and both of their bikes. I met him at a mid-week Bible study group at work in 2005. He is one of my dearest friends, the person who introduced me to the books “The Shack” and “Cat and Dog Theology,” and the person that I was able to sing some hymns to in an empty downtown condo earlier this year. We go for a walk at lunch once a month, and it’s something I look forward to and enjoy tremendously. Ernie is one of those extremely rare individuals who sees and seeks God’s glory in everything, and who reaches out to and accepts and unconditionally loves all people from all walks of life.

He is a pastor and one of the founders of a ministry called Independent Christian Bikers, which puts out a newsletter every month. One of the regular contributors to the newsletter, and also a ministry partner, is Ed “Chef” Sykes. Chef Sykes is a prisoner and has been for many years. When Ernie and I walked in March, he had just gone to visit Chef Sykes for the first time, and he was Chef’s first visitor in over 10 years. (Chef's children stopped writing several years ago, too. He hasn't had a letter from any of them in four years.)

When Ernie and I walked in April, he had just been to visit Chef Sykes for the second time--to attend the prison's Easter service with him. I was profoundly and deeply blessed by his account of the service... How authentic and spirit-filled it was, in spite of (or maybe because of) its location. I've often thought to myself (especially after reading A Voice in the Wind by Francine Rivers) that in many ways, prison must be freeing. Freedom from at least some forms of temptation. Freedom from a frantically hurried and busy schedule. Freedom from the ups and downs of the economy. In many ways, freedom from self and the constant pull towards worshipping self above all else. It didn't surprise me to hear how profound the service was, and I found myself wishing I could have been there to worship with and enjoy the fellowship of these two brothers in Christ and the Spirit of Christ Himself in such a profound way.

The Other Gender

As a Christian woman, wife and mother, having male friends has become increasingly difficult and complicated over the years. There are a couple guiding principles that have materialized in my heart in recent months that make sense to me regarding friendships with the opposite sex. One is, my husband has to be aware of it and completely okay with it. Secondly, the friendship should enhance and strengthen and protect my marriage, and the marriage of the other person (if there is one.)

So as much as I can with my own limited understanding, I try to consistently search my own heart, thoughts, desires and motivations, in an effort to identify and eradicate any traces of impurity, and so that the boundaries of the friendship can be tweaked if they need to be. This is a constant challenge and balancing act that sometimes feels like an exercise in tight-roping. But in my own life, friendships with both men and women are becoming increasingly precious to me, so even though it’s difficult (and sometime painful) to find and maintain all of the appropriate boundaries, the blessings of these relationships still far outweigh the challenges. I know that God is helping me with this, because, after all, relationships are precious to God, too.

Something I've been wanting to do a long time...

On my break today, I went outside and sat in the area where the smokers sit. I’ve thought to myself many times that smokers are far more conversationally oriented and down-to-earth than non-smokers. So today, rather than go somewhere by myself to read or whatever, I went to the smoking area and was able to meet someone who has worked in the same building as me for a couple of years, but that I have never met before.

Ever since I first thought about doing this a few months ago, I’ve allowed fear to keep me from doing it. Fear of rejection. Fear of what other people would say. But today I realized that those fears were unfounded, and I’m looking forward to going back. God is good. J

(This photo and the photo in the post above are both from the Internet)

Hard Pressed, but not Crushed - II Cor 4:8

I try hard not to be a whiner. But since the purpose of this blog is to chronicle my journey, I would be doing myself and my kids a disservice not to include a post every once in a while about the challenges we’re wading through, both myself personally, and all of us together as a family.

Sometimes when someone asks me how I’m doing, if there’s a Bible readily available, I’ll say, “I’m doing 2 Corinthians 4: 8-9.” And then they’ll laugh or smile and look it up, and invariably they’ll nod sympathetically with a solemn expression and say something like, “Yeah, I hear you… That’s exactly how I feel, too.”

Like so many other people, we’re struggling to make ends meet financially. My kids are outgrowing their clothes. Their shoes are worn out. We’re rationing milk and juice and limiting everyone to one serving at meals. Luxuries have been cut back to almost nothing. We’re limiting showers and baths in both frequency and duration. We’re buying generics whenever possible. My own clothes are threadbare and falling apart (the ones that fit, which aren't many...) I recognize that learning how to live more simply and inexpensively, and to be better stewards of water and electricity and other resources are all good things... I'm praying that after this time of struggle is over, we'll continue to live by these lean principles.

Praise God, my mom is going to start taking care of Michael and Rebecca, starting today. That will save $1,000 per month in daycare costs, which means we’ll be going in the hole by $1,000 less per month than we were before. But we’re still going in the hole.

And this situation presents another difficulty… My mom had only one child on purpose. She had her tubes tied right after I was born, because she didn’t think she’d be able to handle more than one. And now here she is, committed to watching a pretty but dramatic four-year-old girl and a very sweet but demanding two-year-old boy, day in and day out, all day long, for a year and a half, until Rebecca starts Kindergarten.

My mom is really anxious about this, and I don’t blame her. She probably feels about this the same way I would feel if I were to be assigned a job where my primary job duty would be public speaking… Yuck. The thought literally makes me want to barf. I feel so guilty and so sad for asking her to do this. It’s a service of inestimable value that we’ll never be able to repay, and for which I am humbly grateful. I pray that God will richly reward her in every possible way for her willingness to make a personal sacrifice of this magnitude for our family. I know that He will, either in this life, or in the life to come. I pray that He will also show me how and give me the grace to ease the burden for her as much as possible.

A few weeks back I was involved in a process-enhancement team at work. I felt honored to be a part of the team, and it was an enriching experience in many ways. But it put me so far behind in my own duties that I still haven’t gotten caught up. And instead of getting better, the problem seems to keep getting worse. I feel like if I could just get caught up, it would be pretty easy to stay caught up. But “caught up” has proved to be quite the elusive creature, and I feel terrible about the quality of my work as I'm trying to get as much as possible done in the shortest conceivable amount of time.

The battle of the bulge is still very real and ever more troublesome. Because I destroyed my metabolism by starving myself, God only knows if anything I ever do will have any kind of positive affect on my figure. I realize there are many other health benefits that make a health and fitness regime worthwhile, but for some reason I’m just not able to work up much passion or enthusiasm for those benefits. Summer is coming, which means that women will be wearing cute shorts and summer outfits, and it’s going to be hard to combat the envy, frustration, disgust (with myself), and self-pity that those daily reminders will conjure. Especially because I know how important having an attractive wife is to my husband (and to most men), and that he’s going to spend the summer trying hard not to be disappointed.

He and I are going to be going on a trip together for a few days in May to a warm climate (no cost, it was a trip he was given through work, which is a blessing), but the last time we went to a warm climate during a time when I was heavier, all I can remember is feeling hideously uncomfortable the entire time. I know that it’s a heart issue in myself that needs to be dealt with, and that I should be able to be so content in who I am in Christ that none of this matters, but, sigh…I’ll be surprised if that heart issue is fixed before we go, or any other time in the near future.

My husband has been under unbelievable pressure and stress for years on end now, and his body is beginning to show the signs. He’s been having stomach problems that have been getting progressively worse over the last couple of months. He’s lost 16 pounds in the last month or so without even trying. He’s not sleeping well. He's doing his part to try to stay healthy--he eats relatively healthy foods and takes supplements and attends church faithfully, and his attitude has been surprisingly good throughout everything that’s been going on. But I wish there was more I could do to help him, and those things that I could do that he would really, truly appreciate seem to be beyond my grasp right now.

My daughter Rebecca was chewing on one of her fingernails the other day, and her teeth broke the skin next to her nail. Her finger proceeded to develop a strep infection that, if it hadn’t been dealt with by the doctor, would have resulted in the loss of her finger. Her poor little finger is red and painful and peeling right now, but is on the mend, Thank God!

My mom has medical and prescription expenses, but is not covered by insurance, and is not old enough to be covered by Medicare or Medicaid. She also has other health care and dental needs that are not being addressed right now, and are simply being ignored, because we have no resources with which to address them.

There’s so much I want to do, and be, and become. I want to do justly, and love mercy, and walk humbly with God all the days of my life. I want to be the wife He created me to be, and for my husband to be satisfied with me and our relationship and marriage. I want to be the mother my children need so that they will open their hearts and lives to God in real, personal ways and find their satisfaction in Him. I want to work alongside God as He works out His plan to bring about His Kingdom on Earth as it is in Heaven. I want to do something to ease the suffering in the world. I want to instill in my children a vision for the future that God wants to bring to pass, and a hunger to be a part of what He’s doing instead of constantly looking for temporal, selfish, and fleeting satisfaction in the moment.

I want to be faithful with all that God has entrusted to me, including my house and yard. I realize that a huge part of my problem is time-management, and that only I can make this better. I’m praying for energy, motivation, wisdom, understanding, creativity and time with which to study this topic, to comprise a plan that is clear and workable and sustainable, and to put it into practice. But it feels like the more I want and pray for and strive towards these things, the more they all slip through my fingers.

I feel like a failure in every single area of my life, except dental care. I somehow manage to brush and floss my teeth most days. Thank God for small victories. :)

I feel like a selfish spoiled whiner, but I actually do feel better after having vented even just this much. There's more going on than this, but I am unable to communicate about it in this format. I'm glad that God in His mercy will never let me go, no matter how bad I mess up my life, or the lives of those around me.

Arbor Day Celebration

Yesterday I took my mom, Stephen, Becca and Michael to the Finch Arboretum here in Spokane for an Arbor Day Celebration. We visited booths relating to gardening and various "green" practices, and we also attended the planting of a tree--a Sassafrass tree to be exact.

The lady who was responsible for the planting of the tree was doing so in honor of her daughter, Susie, who died. There are many trees in the Spokane area that have been planted in her honor, and those trees are part of what's known as "Susie's Forest." I love that... It reminds me of the kingdom of God in that Susie's Forest isn't all concentrated in one place, but is spread out amongst other trees and vegetation, just like the kingdom of God is spread out throughout all the world, like yeast in fresh bread. We even got to help a bit with the planting of the tree by shoveling dirt back into the hole that had been dug. Michael wanted to use the shovel all by himself, which was a little funny to see, because the shovel was considerably taller than he is and probably weighed about as much as him, too. But he was determined. I wish I could have gotten a picture, but my camera battery ran out of juice.

The bottom picture is from our living room... I was entranced with the new buds on the bush outside the window and the sun shining on it. It was taken at a time when all of us were ravenously hungry for spring, and that bush in the front yard was about the only thing with new growth on it. I like the picture because of the color combinations and contrasts. I've decided to experiment more with my camera. If I can us my own photos more, and the photos of my friends and family, I think I'd like that better than using the work of strangers all the time.

Why "Echoes" is so important to me right now...

I used to be in bondage to the “I’m not going to read it if I can’t own it” trap… However, recent events have opened my eyes to see the beauty and value of libraries (of which I believe there is going to be an unparalleled one in Heaven). I’ve been having a hay-day going to the Spokane Public Library downtown, and to the Spokane County Public Library in the Valley. But there are parts of the books I’m reading that I know I’m going to want to have access to later on, after they’ve long since been returned to their rightful owners. So “Echoes” has become a treasury for me – a collection of mind-renewing, spirit-inspiring writings that God has used and is using to change my life from the inside out. One of these days there’s going to be a mad rush of entries on that blog… Perhaps it’ll be today! J

(Photo from my friend Katrena, owner of the blog "My Father's Beautiful World.")

My Mom's Sweet Offerings

Shortly after my mom moved here, Spokane was buried in snow for a couple of months, so her car sat under a pile of snow for quite some time. Once it was thawed out again, the first time she drove it was to take Megan somewhere and take her car to the gas station to put gas in it because it was almost on empty. But while she was at the gas station, her car stalled and wouldn't start again, so Keith and I took our truck and went and got her and towed her home. The car didn't work after that, and we thought it was because of some electrical problem that would probably cost more to repair than the car is worth.

So Mom decided to sell her car to the junk yard and cancel her insurance on it to save us the $37 per month we had been paying on it. She got $50 for the car, which is the first money she's had in months. She brought it to me holding it like a treasure and said, "This money is the life money of my car." She was choked up. She really loved that car. "I can't do anything ordinary with this money. I tried to give it to your father, but he refused to take it." Then she tried to give it to my husband because he's been paying her bills since she got here. But he wouldn't take it either.

So together she and I gave half of it to Charity Water and half of it to "Faith Comes by Hearing."

Her offering reminded me so much of this passage of scripture:

1 Chronicles 11:15-19: "Three of the thirty chiefs came down to David to the rock at the cave of Adullam, while a band of Philistines was encamped in the Valley of Rephaim. At that time David was in the stronghold, and the Philistine garrison was at Bethlehem. David longed for water and said, "Oh, that someone would get me a drink of water from the well near the gate of Bethlehem!" So the Three broke through the Philistine lines, drew water from the well near the gate of Bethlehem and carried it back to David. But he refused to drink it; instead, he poured it out before the LORD. "God forbid that I should do this!" he said. "Should I drink the blood of these men who went at the risk of their lives?" Because they risked their lives to bring it back, David would not drink it. Such were the exploits of the three mighty men.

Meditating on Light

When the sun is shining on my side of the Earth, even if there’s cloud cover, as long as the air is clear of fog or smog or dust, I can see everything there is to see from horizon to horizon (from my perspective) by the light of that sun. The sun is so bright and so full of energy, and it’s not even close to being the biggest star in the universe. Wouldn’t a person think that with all those huge blazing balls of energy and light out there, that outer space would be a place of light instead of darkness? But when I look outside at the night sky full of stars, there’s a whole lot of blackness out there, in spite of all of those blazing furnaces. But even then, is all of that blackness really black? No, it’s just empty space that looks black to our eyes. (Literally empty… no air. Nothing. What IS all that space out there? Is it anything at all?) So what we perceive as being the brightness of day on Earth, when our side of this beautiful planet is facing the sun, is really not so much the brightness of the sun itself, but the reflection of that brightness from the land, water, buildings, atmosphere, etc. There are deep and meaningful spiritual implications in all of these observations, and I’m asking God to open the eyes of my heart that I might see them (and Him) more clearly.

The Tale of the Labels

One of my jobs at work is putting labels on the cases of the cassette tapes that are used for the audio recordings of our City Council meetings. I used to use a typewriter to manually type the dates and lengths of the meetings on the labels. Then we upgraded to labels that are made for the laser printer that is nearest to my desk. I was excited when we first switched because using Microsoft Word to generate the labels is a lot more user-friendly and a lot faster than using the typewriter. Until I discovered that the printer was eating the sheets of labels. Somewhere between the time the sheet of labels is fed into the printer and the time they’re supposed to come back out with the printing on them, they were getting hung up and jamming the printer.

Finally, in desperation, after having wasted 5 or 6 sheets of expensive labels, I laid my hands on the printer and prayed that God would help everything to work properly. And, Praise His name, everything DID work properly! The next several times I printed labels, I laid my hands on the printer and prayed the whole time the labels were printing, and everything worked beautifully. Then, after about 5 such experiences, I forgot to pray for the labels and the printing process, and you know what? They got hung up again. So now I pray for the labels and the process every single time with my hands on the printer the whole time, and so far, it’s worked every time. Dozens of times. Thank You, Lord! I appreciate this because it reminds me that He is involved in all of the details of everything, all the time, whether we recognize His presence there or not.

(This is another one of Katrena's roses. I love the contrasts in this photo.)

Why do I love photos of nature?

I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately, especially this week and last week, when my life has been so busy, hectic, noisy, chaotic, confusing and overwhelming. When I’m feeling especially panicky, simply looking outside—at a sun-kissed tree, or the river swollen with spring run-off, or the ducks and geese dwelling together so peacefully in Riverfront Park—settles my spirit and quiets my mind. And when I’m looking for photos to post on my blogs, I’m usually irresistibly drawn to simple, colorful, light-filled pictures of nature.

I’ve been thinking about why that’s true, and here are some of the reasons I’ve come up with….

All of Creation exists to give glory to the Creator. Trees and flowers, grasses and mountains, rivers and lakes and oceans, air and water, stars and galaxies and solar systems, and all living things in the physical realm give glory and worship to God simply by existing and being what they were created to be. Nature is innocent and uncomplicated. (Not to say that it’s not intricate, because it seems to me that mankind hasn’t even begun to scratch the surface of the ingenious intricacies of this universe.) But there is no premeditation in nature. There is no evil intent or hypocrisy. There’s no deception. And in addition to all of those things, there are many aspects of nature that are simply breathtakingly beautiful, and, at least in my life, God-breathed beauty is a healing, energizing force. Sometimes I pull up my blog simply to scroll through it and see the pictures.

(My friend Katrena [My Father's Beautiful World] read this post on Friday and sent me a bunch of rose pictures she has taken. This is one of my favorites of the ones she sent me. Thanks, Katrena!)

Ponderings

So much has happened today that I want to write down before I forget.

This morning on the bus, I sat next to a lovely lady who normally doesn’t take the same bus as me, but “just happened” to take it today. The bus was full and she asked if she could sit in the seat next to me, to which I delightedly said yes. She’s going to college, majoring in psychology and anthropology. Very soon she’s going to be going on a 6-month trip to Israel where she will live with an Israeli family and spend time working in offices devoted to community and social services. Her church here in Spokane has a sister church in the town she’s going to be staying in there in Israel.

She was telling me how she’s not content to settle down, get married, have kids and be a soccer mom. She hears the cry of those in need and wants to remain single so she can focus all of her energies there without distraction. I told her I want the same thing for my own kids… Not that they NOT get married, but that they not get married for the wrong reasons, and that they can feel free to stay unmarried if that’s the path they feel God leading them on. I believe with my whole heart that meeting this precious young lady was a divine appointment, even though I don’t think I’ll probably ever see or speak to her again. May God’s will be done in her life, and may His face shine upon her and bring her heart peace.

* * * * *

A friend of mine at work shared a story with me. The other day, she and her 3-year-old son were walking in her neighborhood a few blocks from their home. They walked past a church and her son asked, “Whose house is that?” My friend said, “That’s a church. That’s God’s house.” Her son replied, “That can’t be God’s house. God lives in my heart.” Then he picked up a rock from the parking lot and took it home. The next morning, my friend’s husband asked her son where the rock came from, and her son replied, “It came from His house.” (With a big emphasis on the word “His.”) My friend said her son has begun asking all kinds of questions about God that have caused her to begin to ponder her own views about God. Needless-to-say, I was incredibly delighted to hear this story, especially from someone that I've never heard speak about God before. God is good.

* * * * *

At least twice today God sent me the same message. Once through my friend Danielle of Danielle’s Realm, and once through a meeting I attended. The message is that I can’t hope to take care of the people around me if I’m not taking care of myself. The same exact illustration was used in both situations: During the sudden depressurization of an airplane cabin, it’s crucially important to put the oxygen mask on ourselves before we try to put it on someone else. We tend to think, "Oh, no... No matter what anyone says, I’d certainly put the mask on my kid before I’d put it on myself." But we don’t realize that it can take only 10-15 seconds to pass out from sudden depressurization... If we're passed out, we're not going to be very helpful to anyone, are we? Not to our kids, or our spouses, or anyone else around us. This principle is also echoed in a book I just read, portions of which I hope to post on my blog "Echoes" in the near future.

* * * * *

I've been feeling overwhelmed with life lately. I know that I need to get my eyes off the circumstances and focus on Christ, because I feel myself looking at the waves and sinking deeper and deeper into them. All morning this morning I prayed to see Him more clearly, and kept singing the chorus of "Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus" to myself over and over again.

During our prayer meeting at work today, I almost didn't pray out loud at all. Because I usually only pray out loud when I feel confident that what I'm going to say is going to come out smoothly and be somewhat agreeable. But at some point, I started praying, near tears, with a quavery and breaking voice. I believe it was God giving utterance to the deep cries of my heart. I prayed to see Him more clearly, and that He would direct my gaze towards Himself. Then others prayed that, too, for me and for other people who are also going through difficult, chaotic, noisy times.

Not even an hour after that, I read a poem on The Souls of Men that God spoke to me powerfully through in direct response to the pleadings of my spirit. The poem was written just yesterday. And this verse was quoted in the same post: "When thou saidst, Seek ye my face; my heart said unto thee, Thy face, LORD, will I seek." Psalm 27:8. God is GOOD! (All the time!)

Oh God, please help me.

Doubt. Confusion. Stress. Floundering. More doubt. With brief glimmers of light and truth and hope and joy mixed in here and there.

This about sums up my life at the moment. I apologize in advance for the chaotic nature of this post, but chaos is a word that accurately reflects my state of mind, so I guess a chaotic post is appropriate.

Friday night my husband and I were having a discussion, and I ended up getting really angry and screaming at him at the top of my lungs in the middle of a public area until my throat hurt. I’m not going to share the words I screamed at him, but I can honestly say that after they came out of my mouth, I wanted to die. Literally.

After I was done being angry, shame and remorse and regret attacked my spirit like white-hot swords. I kept thinking over and over again about blogging, and how I continually tell people that blogging is a powerful way that God speaks to me, and is a vital mind and spirit-renewing tool in my life. And I thought, if that is true--if it is really, really true--how could such horrid, black, disgusting ugliness still be lurking in those deep places of my being, after all these years and all this time? If who we are in the fire is who we really are, then I am a snake not fit to continue to breath this good air or ever again feel the sun on my face.

That’s when I decided to delete my blogs and swear off blogging forever. I actually logged on to Google with that intent, but then something (or Someone?) stopped me. Instead of deleting my blogs, I posted that short post (and I want to say thank you from the bottom of my heart to Fred and Laura and Joseph for your very kind and encouraging comments. They truly were three of the bright moments of hope and joy in the midst of the pain of the last few days).

This situation was just one part of a season of stretching and groaning and discomfort.

The other week I did something, which I am not yet at liberty to share, but which I was absolutely certain that God had told me to do. I knew that many people would view it as foolish and would advise against it, so I didn’t tell very many people. Because even if they had advised against it, I was certain enough that it was God’s voice I was listening to and following, that it wouldn’t have mattered what they said, anyway. Needless to say, I did do that thing which I felt God was leading me to do, and it remains to be seen what the end result will be. But from a merely human perspective right now at this time, it looks like what I did truly was stupid and foolish and could have devastating and long-reaching effects in the lives of many people. And yet I still feel that it was God’s voice I was following, and that if it wasn’t His voice, then it calls into question all the other times in my life when I was certain I was hearing His voice, but perhaps I actually wasn’t…? God help me.

Last week I was involved in a team event at work that will change the way our corporation does things on many levels. When the new process is unfolded and put into practice, I know there will be a lot of questions and probably a good number of criticisms, and I have never done very well with either of those things when they were on the spot and in person. I do better with them in writing, typically, when I can take time to comprise and organize my thoughts and weed out the knee-jerk reactions. My confidence is shaken, my heart and stomach are in a state of upheaval, and every foundational belief I have ever held dear is in question.

Except for this: God causes all things to work together for the good of those who love Him. And Christ died on the cross to bear the wrath of God for our sakes, for my sake, and rose again triumphant on the 3^rd day to break the power of sin and death, for the eternal glory of God. I’m clinging to those rock-solid, irrefutable truths like a lifeline. God is good, and I trust Him. Amen.

Last post?

This might be my last post. I almost deleted all of my blogs tonight, but I decided not to, since the whole point of them in the first place was to record my journey so my kids could have record of it. If I don't post or comment for a while, or ever, please don't worry. Just pray. God's will be done in all things. Signing off...

Uh Oh...

Today when I was running from my truck to the bus, I tripped and fell and hit my face, left hand, and both knees on the pavement… My hand is swollen and unusable at the moment, so I’m typing one-handed. I’m involved in an important project at work this week, so I pray I’ll still be able to be a valuable member of the team. And my honey and I are spending a few days without the kids in the house, so I also pray that we’ll still be able to enjoy each other in spite of this.

Blessed be the name of the Lord!

Saturday, March 28, 2009

Yesterday was a very full day for us. The first part of the day was spent frantically trying to get our house ready to receive company--Linnea's half-sister, Lindsey, from Montana. Everyone was excited (and nervous) to meet her, and Linnea stood looking out the front door window watching for her for about an hour straight. She called at around 1:30 p.m. and said she was lost, so Linnea and I (with Rebecca and Megan in the back seat) went to go find her and have her follow us home.

I have to say... So many of the modern Christians I meet seem stuffy, pretentious and walled-up, and so many of the postmodern Christians I meet seem authentic, down-to-earth, easy to get to know, and comfortable to be around. Lindsey is just like that. She's a tree-hugger, no doubt, but you know what? So am I! So is Linnea. Lindsey fits right in.

Yesterday's adventures:

I was finally able to get posted the rest of the portions of the book "Story" that most profoundly impacted me. It took a while, but I've been wanting to go it for ages and I'm glad it's done now, preserved in an easily accessible format for myself, my family, and anyone else who may be interested in reading them. (see my blog "Echoes.") Thank You, Lord! I also received a couple of emails from a dear friend regarding something she's concerned about in my life, and I truly appreciate that. I haven't had time to thoughtfully read those emails and respond yet, but I hope to today or sometime soon.

Lindsey and Linnea took a year's worth of glass to the Valley Transfer Station yesterday afternoon, and my mom and Megan took the bus for the very first time to the Valley Mall where they window shopped, tried on clothes, and shared a meal which they paid for mostly with change out of my mom's purse. My mom said the two oriental ladies who helped them were chattering to each other frantically in another language, and she said she didn't think she would have wanted to understand what they were saying. Probably something about the inconvenience, or down-right rudeness, of people paying with change. But change is money all the same, and I hope they got over whatever negative emotions they were feeling, if they were indeed feeling any.

From 8:30 to 9:30 last night, we participated in Earth Hour. I work for the City, and the Mayor suggested that a message be sent to all City employees participate in this worth-while event, if possible. So we sat around our table, turned off every non-essential electronic device in the house, and I read my family a chapter out of "Adventures in Missing the Point," called "Missing the Point: Environmentalism." Then I read them 3 or 4 short stories out of the first book of the "Encyclopedia Brown" series. It was so much fun! We were glad to have the lights back on after that hour, though. The little ones were quite restless by the end.

All-in-all, it was a good day. Good is good.

Unforgettable Prayer from a Friend

A dear, sweet, precious friend (who asked to remain nameless when I asked her if I could post this) wrote to me and asked if she could pray for me about anything in particular. So I emailed her back about some specific topics, and she sent me this beautiful prayer that I will never forget. I join her in praying these things for myself and for everyone within my circle of influence. I also pray for these things for her, and for those within her influence. May God’s perfect will be done in all things, by His grace, and for His own honor and glory!

******

March 18,2009

Dearest Lord,

Thank you for bringing Melanie into my life. Her riches in You are so evident in every post and email she writes and I get the pleasure of reading. Her gentleness is greatly appreciated by me and I'm sure by You.

Father, she has made specific prayer requests that I know she has brought to You and You have heard and responded the first time You laid these things upon her heart. But I would now like to add my prayer to hers and Yours.

Father, first for her health I pray Your light into every area where she feels weakness physically. Lord, you created every cell, every sinew and knew her before she was weaved in her mother's womb. Father You care about every hair on her head and you care about every cell in her body. Lord I pray complete health and wellness into her physical body and command Satan to get behind her in Jesus name. Walk in health Melanie.

For her marriage, I pray wholeness and health in their communication with each other. Let their differences be overshadowed by their Love (Godly redemptive Love supernaturally given for those You call Your own) for each other. Let Truth outweigh facts. God I know that you care very much about Melanie's heart and it is You who has placed this prayer of redemption upon her. She also needs and desires a better relationship with her kids. What mother doesn't? Lord, show her daily where Your hand is guiding her when it comes to her kids, also Lord continually show her when you want her to see something inside her kids' behaviors that is meant to teach her about Your love for us. If guilt or condemnation tries to find their way into her life and speak to her in whispers about her failures......Father help her to stand up against them and tell them to get behind her too in Jesus name.

Father, as far as tithing goes, show Melanie different ways she can tithe to you that don't necessarily involve money for now. Show her a new , supernatural way to tithe her first fruits to you. I pray against the spirit of poverty that chains down the sheep of this pasture. (the church she attends) Father, break these chains, and bring new revelation that brings forth fountains of understanding and insight about Your Kingdom riches ( Oh, Lord I pray this for myself too!) Father, I do not believe that we are to be in poverty whether in spirit or in our physical bodies. I believe You have created us as wineskins and cups to overfill so that the Kingdom can move forward into enemy territory and save the lost souls bound there. And if it doesn't take money, it does take Your power....So overfill them with Your power Lord....to stomp on the enemy's head and loosen the grip of darkness in all areas of their lives. ( Again,I pray this for myself too Lord)

Melanie, I speak Peace on your heart and your soul in the Name of Jesus.

I have been blessed to be able to pray for you. Thank you for letting me do that.

All Choked Up

A few days ago, I finished memorizing the 11^th verse of “O Sacred Head Now Wounded.” Today I printed out the words for the next hymn I’m hoping to memorize, “It is Well With My Soul.” The tears are literally choking my throat as I write this. I feel like I’m saying goodnight to an old friend, and embracing a new one. This is the first song God specifically spoke through my friends to point me towards, namely Danielle and Fred. So as God helps me to commit these beautifully meaningful and time-tested words of truth to memory, He will also be anchoring in my heart a deeper love for these precious people. God is good!

Photo from the internet

Gloriously Fresh and New - The Beauty of Today!

The Spirit is a Creator. Always has been, always will be. That means if we are His, and we stay too long in one place, or remain too long in one condition, sooner or later, one way or another, the Spirit will bring change into our lives. It can be painful, but it doesn’t have to be. Change is scary for some, and exhilarating for others. It used to be scary for me, but not anymore. After all, in such a grand adventure, who in their right mind would ever expect (or even want) things to stay the same? It wouldn’t be an adventure then. (Is that the spirit of Bilbo speaking to me…?)

One new thing that’s happened lately is that I’m taking the bus to work now. All of these years I’ve been afraid of it--afraid that I wouldn’t be able to get to the daycare in time, afraid that I would meet scary people or be confronted with uncomfortable situations, afraid to ask my boss if my work schedule could be adjusted, etc, etc, etc. And then finally something happened that gave me the motivation to bite the bullet and ask her, and she said yes! So yesterday was my first day, and I found out that all of those fears were absolutely groundless. Taking the bus is fun, it’s “green”, it’s relaxing, it frees up my time for other things, and it affords the opportunity to meet and talk with so many different kinds of people. God is so GOOD! J

Something else happened just today… I decided that from now on, beginning today, I’m going to start researching each major holiday as it comes up, to find out who, what, where, when and why. The frilly holidays we celebrate now are but sugary candy, but the roots of them are nourishment of the whole-grain, grown-from-rich-soil variety. God took a history-hater and turned her into a history-lover! I think I’ve found the story I’m going to read to my class tomorrow evening… The story of St. Patrick! Have you ever read it? What a God-glorifying life he lived! I would never have known the history if God hadn’t birthed a brand new passion in my heart for His Story.

Photo by my friend Katrina, who owns the blog "My Father's Beautiful World."

Whoopee!

“When you move beyond your fear, you feel free.” – from “Who Stole My Cheese” by Dr. Spencer Johnson

Amen!

I can personally attest to this truth. After I finally got over my fear of singing to close friends, and got to the other side of that fear and found the incredible joy and peace that lay beyond the fear, I shared the story with a friend who is not a “believer” (or at least not yet), but is a kindred spirit none-the-less. After I finished telling her the story, she clapped her hands with a huge smile on her face and said something like, “That’s what I think of when I think of resurrection—courageously facing the darkness of our fears, conquering them, and breaking through them into the light beyond.”

There have been several instances of this in recent years, and most of them involved talking to someone. There is a powerful, influential person in my life who I was terrified to talk to about anything that I thought they might not agree with. But then, one day, it happened—I talked to them about a bunch of different things I’d been afraid to talk to them about before. And God used the experience to say, “See? What were you so afraid of? They’re just people. Trust ME.” God is good. J

New Idea for Awana

Since God has gone to great lengths in the last month or so to show me the immense power and infinite value of stories as useful tools in His great plan, this is what I’m hoping to do… During our “Large Group” time (which in years gone by was known as “Counsel Time”), I’m hoping to read stories to the children—inspiring stories and parables that contain truth about many of the various struggles, battles and challenges we all face, and how those battles may be won. After reading the story, I’ll show the children a selection of verses and have them tell me which of those verses are illustrated by the story. My passionate prayer and deep desire is to see them come to a place of being able to apply scripture to their everyday lives, and to recognize and appreciate the glory and value of the Word of God. The more they see its worth, the more they will hunger for it. The more they hunger for it, the more they will consume it. The more they consume it (not because it was force-fed to them, but because they simply couldn’t get enough), the more they will be changed by it, forever, from the inside out. THAT is my prayer and my heart’s cry.

Photo from the internet

A Refreshing Time of Much-needed Fellowship

Keith and I, and Linnea and Stephen, spent the day with friends on Saturday. The kids hung out in the lovely roomy basement stocked with tons of new, fun toys and educational movies, and even got outside to enjoy the fresh air a bit. Us grownups, in addition to enjoying a veritable buffet of delicious food, watched movies together, while we ladies were scrapbooking (or getting ready to scrapbook) at a table set up very conveniently near the TV area. We watched Mamma Mia!, King Arthur, The 13^th Warrior, The Holiday, Triple X, and part of InnerSpace. There were several profoundly inspiring scenes in King Arthur, the last one of which prompted me to declare that I was going to start watching movies with a laptop in front of me, so when great scenes like those happened, I would be able to capture them in writing to put on my blog. Someone came up with the brilliant suggestion that I not do that, but instead keep a pad of paper and writing utensil nearby to jot down the times of the particularly meaningful scenes, and go back through them at my leisure to capture the desired dialogues. And that’s what I intend to do! Thank you to that person for the suggestion!

So sometime in the near future, Lord willing, there will be the dialogues of six inspiring (to me) scenes posted on Echoes… Three from King Arthur, one from The 13^th Warrior, one from Fellowship of the Ring, and one from Return of the King. In addition to those, there are a couple of excerpts from books I’m reading that I want to post as well, to be preserved for posterity, or for however long the freedom of the internet lasts, anyway.